“Stupid H*es” vs. Sisterhood: Which Do You Choose?

Over the past weekend, my Twitter was blowing up with folks commenting on Nicki Minaj’s new video, called “Stupid Hoe.” The majority of the tweets trashed the song, so just like a car accident, I had to slow down and take a look. Please note: I won’t be wasting space by posting the video here. Hit up your local YouTube to check it out.

Now, the song and video seems to be a Li’l Kim diss, but in general could be directed towards any “hoe” who isn’t as pretty as the “b*tches in [her] posse.” I think I went deaf after the repeated hook of “F*ck a stupid hoe/you a stupid hoe,” and cringed at the thought of how many young girls (and even worse: grown women) who would take this up as their personal theme song.

As women, we’re living in interesting times right now. In one day, we can listen to “Stupid Hoe”, watch Black Girls Rock, receive a compliment from a woman in the mall, and get some serious cut-eye from another on the subway. We can watch old episodes of Girlfriends, then turn around and watch the newest episode of Love & Hip Hop/Real Housewives of Atlanta/Basketball Wives. I see way more status updates on Facebook about “hatin’ b*tches” than I see photos of groups of women enjoying each other’s company. Messages are being mixed these days – gather 2 or more Black women together, and what will happen? Will we be clinking glasses and celebrating each others’ successes, or will we start scrapping over a perceived insult?

I think it’s easier for us to create comfortable distances between each other by relying on the “hater” crutch. It’s easier for us to avoid disappointment by using that tired line of “I just don’t get along well with other females.” I’ll admit to doing both of these things in the past, but I’ve made a conscious effort to change my way of thinking. I don’t know about every other woman, but I feel much better going out into the world without heavy armour to shield me from what I think other women want to do to me. Screwfacing cramps my jaw muscles, and wondering if a side glance from another chick means she’s got a problem with me is tiring.

This doesn’t mean that I’m trying to create a sister circle where we meet up weekly to sing Kumbaya – there are a lot of people in the world who are jealous of you, ready to steal from you, lie to you, and come at you with negativity, but I choose not to assume that that’s everyone anymore. I’ve had amazing interactions with some of the women who read this blog. I’ve met some awesome, like-minded women through Twitter and Meetup groups like Toronto Naturals and Toronto Women of Colour. I’ve struck up some nice convos with strangers on the subway just by complimenting a sista’s hair or outfit. I used to do this totally introverted thing of not saying hello to someone I’ve met once before, because I always thought they wouldn’t remember me – now I try to reach out and hope I don’t sound like I’m dropping a pickup line by saying “Hey, haven’t we met before?”

I keep a tight core group of friends, but there’s nothing wrong with expanding your circle. I’ve had more fun, more laughs, and more great opportunities when I’ve taken that step to engage with other women in a positive way. We need to offer each other more support and stop looking at each other as competition. Hopefully we can start to develop more positivity and sisterhood, and less relegating each other to “Stupid Hoe” status. ┬áCan we do that, or am I living in a fairy tale land?

What do y’all think? How do you view the communication between women, especially Black women, in Toronto or your city? Why do you think so many women choose to see each other as enemies instead of allies? And does anyone else agree that this whole Nicki Minaj/Li’l Kim beef is played out? Goodness…

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4 Responses to ““Stupid H*es” vs. Sisterhood: Which Do You Choose?”

  1. General from Scarlem World January 25, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    The Nikki vs Kim beef is not played out…yet. Sadly there’s always a market for hate in hiphop and our society. Sisterhood (and brotherhood might I add) are dying, within hiphop (Drake and Common beef) and within everyday examples such as Chris the Barber at the Cut Creator in Malvern. There needs to be more humanity, like a free haircut in a hood barbershop and less disrespect.

    • Bee January 25, 2012 at 10:33 am #

      So true. It’s funny, because I had started writing this post long before the shooting at Cut Creator – but after I heard about it, I contemplated re-writing the post. I stuck with the original, but realized how timely the discussion is now. It’s such a daunting task to figure out how to undo the damage that’s been done in our communities. How is there still space for brazen shootings in broad daylight? How have we still not realized that we can accomplish more together than on our own? The post was inspired by situations that I’ve been in as a Black woman, but after recent happenings, the sentiment can be applied to a much broader context. Still, as the post title suggests, the choice is ours to make. Sure, there are systemic effects that are beyond our control on the day-to-day, but people need to realize, you still own the power of choice in your actions.

  2. krystllyght January 25, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

    Honestly, I did not know there was a Nikki Minaj vs Lil Kim beef. I’m way out of the loop ya’ll but I did notice that it seems like cattiness is at a whole other level these days. Can I grocery shop without catching a stink eye? When I hear grown women talk about each other sometimes I just wanna ask when they’re graduating high school. I mean, come on grow up! Plus, it just feels so much more better to give a compliment. I used to make it my mission to give at least one stranger a compliment (just women because dudes just thinking you’re coming onto them) when I went places. I’ve fallen way off but the internal reward you feel after doing so is way better than any pride you can feel after cutting somebody down. I told this woman I liked her hair and she could not stop thanking me, her whole disposition had changed and she literally walked away beaming with some extra pep in her step. A few nice words have so much power. It’s a shame not everybody realizes that. Another woman, I told her her hair was so shiny and pretty. She looked a little shocked at first but gave a quick giggle and beamed thank you! I think women can be taken aback with this because they normally only recieve compliments from men. Maybe I’m just different because I don’t see everybody as competition. I definitely compare myself but I’ve already got a boo so I’m not threatened by you being fly in the same room as me. *shrug* Great post Beeeeeeeeeeee!

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  1. I Honour You: Happy International Women’s Day! | '83 To Infinity - March 8, 2012

    [...] among women, and wished we did more to embody those traits with one another. I wrote a previous post about sisterhood, but I’d like to take it a step further today. If you’ll allow me this moment, [...]

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