LUCK OR CHOICE? Thoughts On Supportive Partners & Relationships

HomieLuva behind the camera, supporting me at the #RNBSEX Show

HomieLuva behind the camera, supporting me at the #RNBSEX Show

A few months ago, I wrote a blog piece here that was cross-posted on BlogHer entitled, “I Stopped Resenting My Husband Dream & Became His Biggest Cheerleader.” In the piece, I talked about feeling somewhat resentful in the past about my husband’s dreams and work around launching his own business, and how we worked through those issues. Consider this a bit of an update – things have been incredibly eye-opening since then.

HomieLuva has always encouraged me to go after what I wanted to achieve and accomplish, and I finally recognized that I sabotaged myself a lot in that respect. How is it so easy for him to work his day job and his entrepreneurial stuff, AND have time to play basketball with his boys and spend time with me? I couldn’t fathom how he was able to do all of that, and resented him for it even though I knew I was merely frustrated with the box I put myself in. I’ve gotta focus on bills! My work is too demanding! There’s only enough room for one of us to have fun and go after our dreams! When I finally decided to break free from the shackles I put on myself, it was like day and night – it gave him more of an opportunity to not only see me flourish in my goals and passions, but to support me in them as well.

Somebody once told me I was “lucky” to have a supportive partner. I graciously accepted the notion and after hearing about that person’s less-than-stellar partnership, thought “Wow. Maybe I am really lucky.” It was during a recent Twitter chat with writer Ashley Ford (@iSmashFizzle) that I started to wonder, “What’s luck got to do with it?” Having a partner who supports and encourages me is a must. I chose my partner based on his ability to provide that for me, and he chose me for the same. Had there been red flags that he wouldn’t have been able to maintain that quality – as I’ve experienced in past relationships – that would need to be addressed. I understand and accept that all relationships are varied – but far too often I hear “luck” thrown around by those who lament the lack of support they receive from their partners while stating how important that quality is to them. Perhaps changing the language from “Yes, I am lucky!” to “Yes, that’s why I chose him/her!” might encourage people to reflect on the choices they’ve made and the things they’ve accepted in their relationships.

Me supporting him at one of his company events

Me supporting him at one of his company events

At any rate, HomieLuva and I have reached a new level in our relationship, methinks. His hard work is paying off, and now that I’m truly investing more in myself and taking my goals more seriously, I see my work paying off as well. It’s amazing to watch him excel at his “thing,” and it feels fresh and new and exciting to have him watch me excel at my “thing.” Now, when I sing along to ‘***Flawless’ with Bey’s “But don’t think I’m just his little wife/don’t get it twisted/get it twisted/dis mah shit!” line, I feel it. I really do. And it feels so good.

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2 Responses to “LUCK OR CHOICE? Thoughts On Supportive Partners & Relationships”

  1. Crystal Mark, Isis Oya January 31, 2014 at 8:51 am #

    Great post, Bee. I have always believed in supporting the dreams of others as an extension of creating the life you wish to lead and the world you wish to live. We soar when we allow others to do the same.

  2. NB January 31, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

    I agree My Dear!!
    Tina Turner said “What’s Love Got To Do With It” and I say, What’s Luck Got To Do With It!
    This is what a partnership is about. Being each other’s #1 cheerleader and deck hand. It is not a one-way street and anything less than full support from your chosen partner should not be accepted.

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