Self-hate is running rampant, folks. If this wasn't already apparent to you, here's a story about the latest victim, Isaiah Mustafa, aka The Old Spice Guy:
Mustafa was being interviewed by the E! channel recently, and was asked about his relationship status. Stating that he is currently single and ready to mingle, the anchor asked what he was looking for a woman. He listed nice things like athleticism and honesty, and wrapped it up with "good hair".
The anchor asked if the "good hair" had to be real hair (maybe he just wanted a chick with a fly lacefront to look good on his arm?), to which he stated replied:
"Yes, it does have to be real hair. I want my kids to have nice hair so she better have good hair. Cause, I don't know if you've checked my hair out lately. Aside from today it's normally nice. Today it's slightly nappy."
I read that and thought "What a poor, pitiful, self-deprecating man." Are we really still doing this? Are we still acting out the "good hair vs. bad hair" meme like shyt is sweet?
Mustafa isn't the first Black man to speak on wanting a chick with "good hair", and I'm sure he won't be the last. What tickles me about his quote is that he uses his future children as an excuse. I presume he meant that he wouldn't want his kids to be teased over the texture of their hair, so his quote is some kind of honourable way to protect his seed. Really and truly, that's a transparent trick. I would bet money that even if Mustafa was impotent, he would still want a chick with "good hair" to call his lady.
I used to get angry with statements like these coming from Black men, especially when I was transitioning from relaxed to natural hair. Why weren't my natural curls good enough? Sexy enough? Why couldn't these dudes learn, as I did, that "good hair" was "healthy hair", regardless of the texture? Why were they proud to walk around with a chick lookin' like this:
*sorry Bey - I love you but that day truly was a bad hair day, boo.*
...just because her hair was straight and not "nappy"? Did he not realize that if his partner couldn't (or didn't know how to) take care of her own hair, she'd probably have their kids running around out here looking like they stuck their fingers in a light socket?
Eventually, I realized two things. One, I was wasting my time trying to figure all that nonsense out. Two, it was never about me, or any other natural, nappy haired chick anyways. It was all about HIM and how he viewed himself, which evidently, was not in a positive way.
Self-hatred presents itself in many ways. One such way is exhibited by Mr. Mustafa himself - how can you want to avoid and run away from something that is intrinsically part of you? Has he harboured some sort of resentment towards his own parents for not having the same foresight and saving himself from this nappy-headed Hell? Did he feel like he was ugly that day, because his hair was "slightly nappy"? And what would he have done if he woke up that morning and his hair was *gasp* ACTUALLY NAPPY???
I have some family members that think the same way as Mustafa. Constantly seeking the affections of women who look nothing like their mothers, aunts, or cousins, and for what? Your spouse or partner is supposed to bring the best out in you, not mask what it is that you hate about yourself. One family member would only date White women, and even had a nose job to make his nose smaller....but I always thought, 'so what happens when you have a child and they inherit your ORIGINAL nose?' Let me just tell you - he did have children, and their non-Black mother didn't help the kids to avoid the inevitable.
Ladies and gents, love yourselves. Teach your children to love themselves. School anyone who needs to hear it that "good hair = healthy hair" so that we can eliminate this self-hate the same way Mustafa is trying to eliminate his naps from his bloodline. There is nothing wrong with having your preferences - but if you seek certain partners and avoid others simply because you don't like something about YOURSELF - you might need to re-evaluate things.
As for Mustafa, he did what all celebs do when they make ignorant, head-up-azz comments - he apologized via Twitter:
________________________________________________________________________________________________
