So, does anyone ELSE feel like they blinked and January was over? Sheesh....2012 is already on fast-forward! Yesterday was February 1st, a date that marks a few important things for me. One month of maintaining certain intentions. A day to start over with other intentions that fell off in recent weeks. My HomieLoverFriend's birthday. 6 months of marriage. Yup, February 1st is a big day!
In addition to the Mister's birthday and our half-way marker to 1 year of wedded bliss, Valentine's Day is coming up, and all of that has me thinking of all things love. Don't worry - I'm not going to get all sappy on you, but Cupid just might wiggle his happy lil' butt up and through a post or two.
I've been checking my blog stats recently, and I've seen a lot of people have been Googling "83toinfinity proposal" to get to the site. I likely have my friend Lincoln to thank for this, because in his review of '83 To Infinity, he mentioned my "cute and corny proposal story", which he knows in detail, but I've never actually shared fully on here! It's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself, so I do plan to share it...but first, I want to share my other proposal story. The false start story, a.k.a. The Proposal That I Thought Was Coming But Didn't.
It was January 2010. Homieloverfriend and I were in love and having fun, and everyone kept asking that inevitable question: "When is he going to put a ring on it?" The funny thing is, everyone would ask ME that, as if I had any clue. We had been together for about 3 years, and that gave us a grand total of 6 years together (with a 2 year break up in between). He was the one for me, and I was the one for him. Marriage was a shared value of ours, so I figured we'd be getting on that road sometime soon.
The typical proposal dates like birthdays, Christmases, Valentine's Days, and anniversaries rolled by. Well-intentioned co-workers tried to "help me" - because obviously I was doing something wrong if he hadn't proposed yet (insert eye-roll here). All of this nit-picking chipped away at my firm, confident stance, and I started to wonder if something was really wrong with me...or us.
I woke up one night to the Mister tapping me on the shoulder. I groggily got up and asked him what the problem was - it was 3 in the damn morning, and a sista does NOT like her sleep disturbed, especially during the work week. "Get up. You have an hour to pack." I had no time for nonsense, so I put my head back on the pillow. Again, he started tapping and repeated his order. I'll fast-forward past my epic cussing session, which came to a halt when I saw my empty suitcase open on the floor, next to his packed one. "Pack for somewhere warm. You'll need a few days' worth of clothes." I realized that he was actually serious. Half-asleep and fully wanting my bed, I went ahead and started packing for this mystery trip.
Turns out that Homieloverfriend had planned a surprise trip to Miami. He had gotten my boss to approve the time off, purchased the tickets, and all I had to do was sit back and relax. It was a text from my girlfriend that put a different spin on the excitement of the trip - as we drove towards the Buffalo airport, my phone beeped and the illuminated words said "This is it! You better get your nails done...especially your left hand ;)" And you know what? I was like, "Hell yes. This IS it!"
Five days in Miami came and went like the typical proposal days before. I wasted the whole trip making sure my manicure was set, and that I looked cute each and every time we went out. At every dinner or excursion, I'd say to myself, "Ok. THIS is gonna be it!" But all "it" turned out to be was liming and kicking back with good food and way-too-expensive Long Island Iced Teas. We even took a day trip to Universal Studios in Orlando - I thought he was planning a master proposal with the help of Mickey and Minnie and whoever else was there. But nope! I came back to Miami, and then to Toronto, ringless and somewhat dejected.
When I got back home, I had a real sit-down with myself. Why did I put this pressure on myself, and unbeknownst to Homieloverfriend, on him too? I had just spent nearly a week in Miami in the middle of a frigid Toronto winter. I had a man who would go so far as to plan this trip and whisk me away 'just because'. If it was meant to be, it would be. We had both discussed our wants and needs, we were on the same page, and I just needed to be patient. Everything was all good. Then I went back to work.
As SOON as I walked in that office, I had a gaggle of middle-aged women flocking around me, grabbing my left hand. "It looks the same as it did when I left, guys," I laughed. "Oh, poor thing!" clucked one of them.
"Poor thing? I just had a week off work and had my man take me to Miami! What did YOU do last week?"
I didn't get bothered about non-existent proposals after that.
I learned a few things from this experience. One, I really had to take other people's expectations out of my relationship. We were in a good place, and we would get to an even better place in time, but the point was we would get there when we were ready. My introverted self also had to get used to telling people to get up out of my business. When co-workers, friends, or family would get out of pocket about what was/wasn't going on, I stopped doing my nervous laugh and started telling them to mind their own. Lastly, I learned to be grateful for the amazing communication I had with my partner. We had already discussed our relationship and our intentions, but I was able to be open with him about my Miami madness without him thinking that I was pestering him for a ring. Proposal or not, the strength of my relationship made me serenely happy. My left hand may have been naked, but I didn't mind: I was always fully covered in love.
Have you ever had a proposal fake-out? Have you ever allowed outside pressures to dictate the flow of your relationship? Speak on it! I'll get to the real proposal story soon - it was definitely worth the wait!
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