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May 21, 2013 

EVENT RECAP: Curls, Coils & Cocktails in Toronto

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I am STILL on a high. This past Saturday, in partnership with my homegirl Ann Marie from Soulafrodisiac, I held my first event called Curls, Coils & Cocktails – and it was AWESOME.

Since I started this blog, one of the most common questions I’ve received has been “When are you going to start organizing some events and meetups?” We’ve all been witness to the incredible events that bloggers like Curly Nikki, Afrobella, and others have thrown in the States, but here in Canada (and specifically Toronto), we’ve seen much less action. Thankfully, this is starting to change – and Curls, Coils & Cocktails was my addition to the offerings of natural hair and beauty events in the city.

photo credit: Toni

photo credit: Toni

Held at the lovely and unique Saviari Tea & Cocktail Lounge, the event kicked off with time for mixing and mingling. If you haven’t hit up Saviari yet (on King West), you’re missing out. Amazing tea-infused foods and drinks in an intimate atmosphere – I’ll guarantee you’ve never had an experience quite like the one Saviari offers. The Trendsetter martini was our signature drink, and we saw everyone partaking of the yummy appetizer platters circulating the room. We had two amazing photographers on deck – Tanya Petraglia and Ashton Chambers – and they expertly captured all of the beautiful women (and a few fellas!) who came decked out in all of their gorgeousness.

About an hour into the event, the only emotion I felt was overwhelmed – in a good way. We had received a great response for our advance ticket sales, but the amount of women who still came through and paid at the door had us at standing room only. The sheer number of attendees who were in the house was one thing, but the vibe itself was incredible. I saw women laughing, smiling, talking, hugging, shaking hands, air kissing, complimenting, and just genuinely showing love. Many reflected on how nice it was to be in an environment filled with women without the shadiness, side eyes, and screwfaces, and I had to agree. I make an effort to surround myself with positive people, so I wasn’t at all surprised that a room full of lovely women were getting along – but it just felt nice. A big shout out to Juliana and Vee who held down the door for us like champs! Working the door at an event is rarely as simple as it seems, but these ladies kept things moving smoothly.

Thea Mitchell from Cocoa Bloom Cosmetics and Trudie, Karlene, and Dixie from Curl Bar Beauty Salon were on hand to offer free mini hair and makeup consultations, and the women in attendance didn’t waste any time taking advantage of their knowledge! I recently coloured my hair for my birthday, so any compliments I got on my hair colour and style were directed to Curl Bar’s way – Karlene did my amazing summer colour, and Trudie and Dixie both tag-teamed me the morning of the event to hook me up with a gorgeous twist-out.

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It was soon time for our panel discussion on natural hair and diversity in beauty – moderated by myself and featuring panelists Yemi of the awesome blog Shakara Natural Tips, Thea from Cocoa Bloom Cosmetics, Trudie from Curl Bar Beauty Salon, and Deb from the En’tyce Your Beauty product line. I have never in my life moderated a panel, but I think it went well! We discussed topics around the new views of Black beauty in the media, natural hair and the corporate work environment, how to deal with the frustrations of accepting our natural textures, the importance of healthy hair (regardless of style), natural hair and relationships, and much, much more. With the panel, I wanted to illicit more of a discussion than a straight Q&A feel – I often feel that we too easily want someone to give us an answer or solution to an issue, but I wanted to encourage more thought, debate, and new perspectives. The panelists loved the segment, and we got great feedback from attendees, so I was happy!

photo credit: Jaeda

photo credit: Jaeda

photo credit: Monique

photo credit: Monique

photo credit: Christine

photo credit: Christine

We also did a product swap, where attendees came up to the mic to discuss the gently-used products they had purchased that just didn’t work for them. We got a great response and had some awesome products that were then up for grabs for anyone else who wanted to try them, free of charge. We also made sure to highlight the various stylists (Hair by Glenna, Curl Bar, independant stylists) that were in attendance so that women would know what resources were available to them for their hair care needs. Finding a trusted stylist can be so difficult, but more and more options are becoming available to us in Toronto.

Ann Marie and I also wanted to make sure we highlighted a very special woman – Christine Tonkin. Christine is the creator of the Curls, Coils & Cocktails Meetup.com group that inspired the entire event. Months ago, she had reserved the date of May 18th for a special event, in order to mark International Natural Hair Meetup Day here in Toronto. However, due to some family health crises that needed her time and attention, Christine was unable to continue with plans. She asked if I would be able to take over the reins for the event – Ann Marie jumped in right away to partner with me, and we ran with it. Christine is an amazingly strong and faithful woman, and Ann Marie and I wanted to make sure that the event was true to her vision. Christine told us that we had created exactly what she had envisioned, so we were so happy to make her proud.

Toni and Christine (top) Toni and Ann Marie (bottom) photo credit: Toni

Toni and Christine (top)
Toni and Ann Marie (bottom)
photo credit: Toni

Oh – have I mentioned the FABULOUS giveaways we had on deck? We’re so thankful to all of our generous sponsors who went above and beyond to contribute to the event:

A big shout out to the bloggers/media coverage that were in the house! We did interviews with Caribbean Vibrations TV and Toni Daley, and had Noni and Winnie from Three Naturals (we missed Juli-Anne, but she has a beautiful new baby keeping her busy), Jacqueline from Anancy Magazine, and Carcia & Telly from It’s MusicFashionLife out as well! I saw a ton of other folks conducting mini photo shoots and interviews with attendees, so we can’t wait to see all the photos and event recaps!

photo credit (top): Christine (bottom): Toni

photo credit (top): Christine
(bottom): Toni

When I started organizing sponsors for the event, I was reaching out across the border to American brands – but didn’t get much response back. No one seemed to value the consumers here in Toronto, and it brought to mind my discussions with brands at a conference last year in Philly. The shock and surprise that so many displayed when they asked “There’s BLACK PEOPLE up in Canada?” was telling. While we’re a much smaller number than the Black population in the States, we’re still a relatively unknown consumer group in their eyes. Thankfully, the Universe started opening my eyes and led me to find the amazing resources and talent we have right here in the city. Our mission was not necessarily to host an event filled with vendors expecting attendees to buy. We wanted to create an environment of interaction, engagement, and awareness – getting to know who’s here, what they’re doing, and how you can find them was paramount.

If you’ve made it this far in the recap, I thank you. I knew it would be a long one, but there’s so much to say! All in all, Curls, Coils & Cocktails was a success, and I’m so proud of what we were able to accomplish. In my typical perfectionist way, I’ve spent mo’ time than a lil bit critiquing myself on what I could have done better, where I flubbed certain things, and chiding myself on areas where I can vastly improve. However, I take those self-critiques as learning lessons to make the next time (yes – there will be a next time!) even better. Curls, Coils & Cocktails exceeded all of my expectations, and I’m so thankful to everyone who supported in any way. Like I said at the top of the post, I’m still riding the high – thank you, Toronto!

Were you in attendance at Curls, Coils & Cocktails? Let me know what you thought! If you’ve got any photos you’d like to share, please feel free to email me copies to bee(at)83toinfinity(dot)com! Professional photos will be coming soon! 

May 8, 2013 

BEE’S HAIRCARE REVIEW: Coconut & Vanilla Elixir By B.U. Beauty United

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a new Parisian company called B.U. Beauty United, who asked if I’d like to review their Coconut & Vanilla Elixir. Mama ain’t raise no fool, so after a chat and Google search, I said “Hell yeah!” Let me tell you – this was one of the BEST hair decisions I’ve made in a long time!

B.U. Beauty United’s main ethos is to provide the highest quality in natural products without sacrificing efficiency. With one line dedicated to salon professionals (to encourage them to utilize natural products versus heavily chemical ones), and one dedicated to the public, B.U. Beauty United is on a mission to increase the use of natural ingredients in curly and coily hair care.

I was sent the Coconut & Vanilla Elixir and couldn’t wait to get my hands on it.

B.U. Beauty United Coconut & Vanilla Elixir

B.U. Beauty United Coconut & Vanilla Elixir

Ingredients include: coconut oil, grapeseed oil, sesamum indicum seed oil, vanilla planifolia fruit extract, and natural coconut fragrance

I utilized the elixir in a couple of different ways. First, I used it as a moisturizing product as I set some Bantu-knots on my previously blow-dried hair. As I separated each section (about 12), I detangled then applied the elixir before twisting and knotting. I added a tiny bit of Shea Moisture Coconut Milk to help seal my ends, then knotted it up.

The next day when I took the Bantus down, my hair was noticeably softer – and smelled delicious to boot! I suffered from serious hand-in-hair syndrome for most of the day which turned my billowy Bantu knot-out into a semi-frizzy mess, but it was SOFT.

Yummy, soft hair

Yummy, soft hair

I also used the elixir as a scalp treatment, with wonderful results. I applied small amounts all over my scalp, especially around my front hairline where it was most dry. I tied my hair down with a satin scarf and headed to bed…then woke up in the morning with a happy, non-itchy scalp! It’s been a couple of days since I applied it as a scalp treatment, and the flakes and dryness have yet to return.

I’m looking forward to trying the elixir as a hot oil treatment, which I’m already predicting will be divine. Should you decide to purchase (it retails for 22 Euros), the good news is that while it’s a 30 mL bottle, a little bit goes a LONG way. I find that some oils just sit on my hair, but my hair and scalp were able to soak up the elixir without greasy residue.

I’ve got a little treat for y’all – in efforts to add the “multi” to my media, I put together a quick little video with the help of Qwiki and YouTube for your viewing pleasure! Get into this visual softness!

YouTube Preview Image

All in all, I’m digging the Coconut & Vanilla Elixir. Merci beaucoup, B.U. Beauty United!

Be sure to check out B.U. Beauty United’s site! To my French readers, let me know if you’ve tried any B.U. products, and what you think! I’m definitely interested in the global natural hair scene, so let me know how things are in your neck of the woods! 

April 22, 2013 

AWESOME EVENT ALERT: Curls, Coils & Cocktails w/ ’83 To Infinity & Soulafrodisiac!

Curls FINAL

It’s funny how life works.

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to organize an event – an ’83 To Infinity meetup where I could meet some of my readers in person, enjoy some yummy food and drinks, and discuss life, our passions, and our various journeys. First, I put it off because I thought I didn’t have a big enough readership (I remember meeting Afrobella a couple of months after starting ’83 To Infinity, and she was the first one to encourage me to do an event regardless of how many people may be reading). Then, I thought I’d do one for my blog’s 1st anniversary, but that didn’t pan out. Then, I thought “OK. You’ve been putting this off. Just get down to it.” I started plotting venues, special guests, what my event would be about, and I actually started getting excited. However, not too long after I got excited, I got scared. My idea for a June event in Toronto started to slide closer to July…then maybe August…and y’all know what that means. I started to chicken out, and almost succeeded.

In an interesting turn of events, I was asked to help organize an event in Toronto for International Natural Hair Meetup Day because the original organizer had to tend to family issues. Of course I said yes – I knew she was looking forward to the event, as were a number of people in our particular Meetup.com group. Once I agreed to take it on, I realized something.

Sh*t. I’m actually doing an event.

It was too late to turn back, so I took the leap and decided that this was how the Universe was going to make me face my fears and get down to it. With that, I present to you: Curls, Coils & Cocktails!

Together with my sistren Ann Marie Collymore of the dope blog Soulafrodisiac, we’ve created an awesome event for our Toronto readers, friends, and fellow hair and beauty lovers. Curls, Coils & Cocktails is going down on May 18th at the lovely Saviari Tea & Cocktail Lounge from 4-9pm – and this won’t be just any ole meetup!

  • We’ve got product swapping (so bring that lightly used product that just doesn’t work for you – it might for someone else)!
  • We’ve got mini-hair consultations (thanks to the ladies of Curl Bar Beauty Salon)!
  • We’ve got a panel discussion featuring some of Toronto’s best voices on hair and beauty (like Trudie Mulalu from Curl Bar and Thea Mitchell of Cocoa Bloom Cosmetics)!
  • We’ve got awesome gifts and door prizes (thanks to Shea Radiance, Cloré Beauty, Harlem Restaurant, Ola Finesse, and more)!
  • We’ve got an awesome mix and mingling atmosphere (so be ready to make some friends)!
  • We’ve got delicious tea-infused food and a signature cocktail (all due to Saviari’s unique menu)!

And we want YOU!

If you’re in town on May 18th, we’d love for you to join us. One of the major complaints I often hear from blog readers and friends in Toronto is that we never seem to have the frequency or quality of natural hair and beauty based events like we see in the US. Lately, I think the climate here is changing, and we’re starting to see a few more meetups and events offered. Now that I’ve actually jumped in with both feet and got this idea off the ground, I’m ready to put my stank on it and bring a unique vibe to Toronto’s natural hair and beauty lovin’ communities. So if you wear natural hair, are contemplating it, or are just in the pursuit of healthy hair overall – Curls, Coils & Cocktails is for you. I’m sure that while we discuss how to look good on the outside, the positive vibes and connections made at CC&C will help us to radiate the beauty we have inside as well.

I’m hella excited!

Click here for the Eventbrite ticket page and grab yours today! Tickets are only $10 in advance, $15 at the door. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to hit me up, and I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible at my very first ’83 To Infinity event!

Psssst…thanks to everyone who entered my The Mystic Effect ticket giveaway! The lucky winner is… *drumroll* GINA AYANNA! Gina – please shoot me an email at bee[at]83toinfinity[dot]com to get your ticket to the show!

April 18, 2013 

CATCH 22: Self-Sufficiency & The Effect On Natural Hair Salons

hair-salon

HomieLoverFriend made a comment the other day that made me look at this “natural hair movement” in a new light. As he watched me twist my hair one night, he said “It’s good that you can do your hair on your own for the most part, but your hairdresser must hate that.”

A lightbulb went off.

Compared to when I was relaxed, my schedule for patronizing salons has gotten less and less frequent. When I was relaxed, I wisely left complex chemical treatments to the pros, but also relied much more on the skill of my favourite stylist to keep me looking good. After I transitioned and started wearing my hair naturally, a lack of competent stylists plus a desire to learn for myself led me to do more at home. Many naturals have echoed the same motivation to become reacquainted with their own hair, and to save money that was spent more regularly at salons – but what does this mean for salons catering to natural Black hair?

HLF’s comment inspired me to speak with the owners and stylists at a few salons that cater to natural – or more commonly termed “curly” – hair salons. There were some common themes. Because stylists and owners saw more and more Black women returning to their natural textures, and because they heard the complaints that traditional salons were not skilled in natural hair, they were driven to fill that niche. In doing so, they worked to create salons that were open and knowledgeable, giving an alternative to salons that saw you walk in with kinks and expected you wanted to walk out with a perm.

Salon3Treatments

The reality for many of these salons is that Black women who’ve become self-sufficient rarely frequent their salons, and usually choose to only do so for complex or special occasion styles. To avoid being too narrow in niche, many salons have branded themselves towards “curly hair” versus the specific “natural hair” label – and this has widened the net of clientele. One stylist told me “We opened this salon for Black women, but they don’t come because they can do their hair on their own now.” Another explained that women of other races make more regular hair appointments, therefore they ensure that their marketing is inclusive of all kinds of curly hair. Could I necessarily blame them? When asked what I love about wearing my hair naturally, one of my top answers is the fact that now I can do my hair on my own (for the most part). Multiply that emotion by the number of women who have also transitioned and feel similarly, and it’s clear that natural/curly hair salons might be feeling the pinch.

Now, I’d clearly be lying if I attempted to act like I didn’t need the pros. There are simply certain things that I can’t (and likely never will) do on my own. A good stylist also knows the science of hair, and can help my hair health in a way that even the best blog post or YouTube video may not be able to. Hell, my scalp massages NEVER feel as good as when my stylist does it! Besides – I miss the community of the Black salon. I remember when I got to go to the salon with my mother, and it felt like a rite of passage. I was allowed to hear women talk about things in a way I had never heard before, saw how different women defined beauty, and learned a ton about relationships, friendship, entrepreneurship, and hair. Those regular appointments were something I looked forward to, and most times I didn’t even mind the long wait for my turn in the chair.

salonblackhair

What a funny conundrum. An influx of women returning to their natural texture struggle to find professionals who know how to care for their hair. They become as self-sufficient as possible with the help of other mediums. Professionals recognize this neglected consumer base and create environments to service them and their specific needs. Those professionals then realize that the self-sufficient women don’t maintain the same frequency of visits that may have been expected or assumed in the past.

Do I have any answers? Not particularly. While I will always love the ability to care for my hair on my own, I still recognize and respect the knowledge and talent that professional stylists have. Frankly, I love the influx of “curly” hair salons cropping up around me. It’s comforting to know that when I need a professional, I’ll be able to find one who is adept at managing my hair with as much care as I do for myself. While many have had to become more inclusive than their original plans may have held, I thank them for reaching out and providing a space for those of us who want more options for our natural hair. To show my gratitude, let me go ahead and book an appointment – ain’t nothin’ like a good scalp massage.

For natural hair wearers who transitioned – do you find that you frequent the salon less now than you did before you were natural? What services do you go to the salon for? For stylists/salon owners – do you work in a salon that caters to natural/curly hair? Has the number of women returning to natural textures affected the frequency/type of clientele you have?  

 

April 9, 2013 

MEETING SADE: What An 8-Year-Old Taught Me About Natural Hair Love

trust15gala

This past Saturday, I attended the 1st Annual Trust 15 Fundraising Gala event here in Toronto. Trust 15 is a community initiative in the Rexdale neighbourhood comprised of two gender-specific programs for youth called Ladies On The Rise and Men of Distinction. The initiative uses guest mentors and group activities to instill values, teach social and life skills, and encourage education – and it gives youth an outlet and support that may otherwise be unavailable to them.

I mentored with the Ladies On The Rise late last year and was SO happy to support them at their fundraiser, which showcased the amazing skills and confidence the students had gained throughout the program. There were so many magical moments throughout the night, but one of my top picks came just as I was about to leave, when I ran into this cutie named Sade:

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She caught my eye earlier in the night, and I thought she was extremely adorable with her little doll and her kinks and curls. As I gathered my clutch and coat at the end of the event, I noticed her standing with her mom right beside me. I don’t like to make a habit of praising little girls solely on their looks, but I felt compelled to give her a hair compliment – so I sidled my way over, said hello to her mother, then told her I just HAD to tell her how much I loved her hair. Her response? In the cutest voice ever, she looked up and said “I love YOUR hair!” We shook hands, introduced ourselves, and pretty much became BFFs.

We spent the next few minutes talking about our favourite hairstyles (she’s partial to pinned-up mohawks), pet peeves (broken hair elastics and lost bobby pins), and some of our favourite hobbies (like me, she had fun doing fashion shows and modeling). Her mom was super cool and allowed me to get a pic with my mini-me, and we laughed about how similar her and I were. Don’t you see it in the photo? The hair? The coats? The scarves? It was baffling.

Commercial break! Have you entered to win a ticket to The Mystic Effect? Check this post and tell me about your favourite piece of art! 

In recent discussions with other natural hair wearers, transitioners, and those contemplating making the change, there’s often a focus on the negatives of natural hair. Whether it’s complaints about texture, comparisons to others, or negative connotations about women who wear their hair naturally, I’ve been feeling unnecessarily burdened with having to defend my natural hair. Having said that, it was SO refreshing to speak with someone (in this case, an 8 year old with an effervescent personality) who exhibited a crazy amount of love of and pride in her own natural hair.

Do we do enough to instill that same love and pride with the kids in our lives? As y’all know, I don’t have my own yet, but the nieces and nephews and god-children and close friends’ kids in my life get a full dose of love from me. They need to feel proud of the skin and hair they’re in, so that when the pressures to change start to build upon them, they’re able to firmly push back. I don’t think I would have been as proud of my hair when I was Sade’s age. By 8, I was starting to ask my mom if I could have my hair “straight and swingy”, and she finally gave in when I was 12. When I see a young girl rocking her natural hair, I remember how affirmed I would have felt if another fly natural gave me a thumbs up or a sincere compliment – therefore I do the same. You don’t have to look too far into society to find an example of Black beauty being disregarded, mocked, or fetishized. A tap on the shoulder and an “I just wanted to say I love your hair!” is my small way to fight back and either plant the seed or water the plant of self-love and acceptance.

I’m not sure if little Sade realized she was such an inspiration, but she was. That bubbly personality and strong sense of self were nothing short of invigorating. She reminded me of Nikki Giovanni’s quote: “…And he said: you pretty full of yourself ain’t chu. So she replied: show me someone not full of Herself and I’ll show you a hungry person.” The Dos Equis dude may tell you to “Stay thirsty, my friends” – but let’s be like Sade and never be hungry.

How do the young people in your lives showcase their self-love? Are your young natural hair-wearers proud of their kinks and curls? How do you help to instill self-love and pride in young people?

Don’t forget to enter my contest to win a ticket to The Mystic Effect! 

April 1, 2013 

IT’S A SPRING THING: 4 Things I’m Doing With My Hair This Season

I’m not sure about your part of the world, but we finally got some beautiful spring-like weather in Toronto this weekend! While some of my city-folk got a bit overzealous with the flip flops and tank tops, I couldn’t blame them for being excited to see a change from the dreary winter weather that seems to always overstay its welcome.

For me, spring gets me in the mood for a new look, and I know my hair is begging for a revamped style. Here are a few of the things I’m looking forward to doing with my ‘do this season:

Colour

Colour is always at the top of my list. I’ve never been shy to experiment with colour, and I’m still on the hunt for a stylist who can (and won’t be afraid to) give me the look I’ve been aiming for over the past 2 years. I’m STILL trying to get my Tanika Ray on, so hopefully I can get the look this spring! Leaving the colour application to the professionals and increasing my moisturizing and conditioning practices has never steered me wrong, so I don’t worry too much about my hair health during colouring.

0121tanika tumblr_louz4eND111qi2ckeo1_400 Tanika_Ray+Feb_08_2009

Flat Twists

I have two left hands when it comes to cornrows, flat twists, single braids, and the like. I finally overcame some of my issues when I did my first set of Marley twists, so perhaps I can finally conquer my fear of flat twists. I saw this SUPERCUTE style combining flat twists and flexi-rods, and I cannot wait to try it out for myself! If anyone has any tips on how to master the flat twist, let me know!

flat-twist-puff flat-twists flat-twist-flexi-rod

shout out to The Beauty Thesis for the last photo! 

Roller Sets

I haven’t done a good roller set since I had my hair relaxed, but I love the look of bouncy curls! I don’t have a set of rollers, and HomieLoverFriend broke my hooded dryer while we were in the middle of moving, so this might be another option that I leave to the pros!

TER-roller-set style-rollerset-afro

Pre-pooing

I used to pre-poo with regularity, but I’ve fallen off. Pre-pooing is the practice of applying conditioning and moisturizing oils (faves: honey, coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil) to your hair prior to washing, which helps to keep your hair moisturized and healthy. I used to have set wash days, so I knew exactly when I’d need to pre-poo. Now, I wash whenever I get the chance, which means a much more random time frame. By the time I decide to wash, there’s no extra time available for a pre-poo – and while my hair has been doing well as is, I think getting back into the pre-poo practice will be even more beneficial.

pre-poo-tools

 

As we move into spring, what are some of the new things you’re thinking of trying with your hair? Or is there an old practice that’s fallen by the wayside that you want to restart? Let me know in the comments section! 

March 4, 2013 

PRIVILEGE & POSITION: My Debate On…Well, The Black Hair Debate

black-women-washington-post-survey

I’m not sure about y’all, but my Twitter timeline on Friday was taken over by the #blkhairpenn hashtag, full of tweets and thoughts from the University of Pennsylvania’s special event, The Politics of Black Hair Symposium. Guests included professor Anthea Butler, MSNBC show host Melissa Harris-Perry, Patrice Grell Yursik (aka Afrobella), and others – all deciphering, celebrating, and debating the state of Black hair in today’s society. UPenn was very forward-thinking by allowing the entire symposium to be livestreamed on the web, but alas – there was no way I was pulling off watching the event while I was at work. Thankfully, Twitter kept me in the loop – and from that medium alone, it looked like a really intelligent and thought-provoking gathering of minds.

I’m not sure if the #blkhairpenn discussions were the catalyst, but I ended up engaging in a friendly debate with a fellow Tweeter about the seemingly never-ending discussions around Black hair. At the end of the day, I agreed to disagree, but I left the debate wondering about how personal privilege plays into the way we take in conversations around hair. Let me explain.

The points my debate partner made were:

  • The constant “debate” over natural vs. relaxed is tired.
  • Perming (or going natural) doesn’t change who you are as a person or what you’ve accomplished.
  • It’s time to debate over more important things like investing stocks and best ways to earn more money.
  • Linking hair to self-esteem is a point she would pass on, as there are better things to discuss.
  • Hair (for her) is fun, or an expression of mood. It’s not a reflection of worth.
  • Hopefully we reach a stage where the discussion isn’t relevant.

Now, I didn’t totally disagree with some of her points. I do think the surface discussions of “natural vs. relaxed” are exhausting and pointless, because the divisiveness of the “vs.” creates more problems than what one chooses to do with their hair. In that same vein, I also hope we reach a point where the debate isn’t constantly at the forefront. However, I personally feel that the only way we’ll get there is through the discussion and debate, so to deny their worth outright is faulty.

To me, the kinds of discussions we’re having about hair now are new. If we look at our parent’s generation, these debates and expressions of self were not happening the way they are today. I was having a conversation with my mom and one of her friends recently. My mom is in the transitioning process, but still struggles with negative self-talk and isn’t yet able to see the beauty in her natural hair. In the conversation, it was crystal clear that so many notions around hair that my mom and her friend held were deeply embedded from their own childhood and life experiences. They spoke so reverently of the difference with my generation – how so many women my age were proud to own their hair choices without the same anxiety and negativity that they did. Not only was it re-affirming for them to see me and others wear our hair naturally and proudly, it was interesting for them to see women (like a friend of mine) who bounce back and forth from relaxed to natural simply because they want to. Their generation was taught that natural hair was for little girls, and relaxed hair was the only suitable option for upstanding and worthy women. You didn’t choose natural hair (because it wasn’t preferable) and you didn’t choose relaxed hair (it was just what you did). So, to have the discussions about the choices and acceptance and why we choose to do the things we do with our hair – and all of the underlying things that weigh into that – is new, and can’t be discredited in my eyes.

Another thing that I took away from my Twitter discussion was to ensure that I monitor my privilege in these kinds of conversations. My debate partner mentioned that she was able to confidently wear her hair in any way she wished, and knew that no matter what, her style choice wouldn’t affect the trajectory of her life or her self-worth. In her words, she felt other women needed to “get over it and move on”. I applauded her for her confidence, but had to remind her that not everyone shares that same sentiment. For SO many women I know – of all races and cultures – hair is indeed a marker of self-esteem. For Black women particularly, whose hair has been the source of much political and personal scrutiny by ourselves and others, we are just now moving into an awakening of healthy self-esteem – and hair plays a major role. For every woman I meet who says she’s 100% confident in her hair and how she chooses to wear it, I meet at least 5 others who definitely aren’t. Just because my debate partner and I may feel confident, it doesn’t mean that we must force every other woman to hurry up and get over it to join us. Sometimes, I feel we need to put down our privilege and meet people where they are, instead of minimizing their current point of development. If we use that self-confidence to inspire others and introduce them to a new way of thinking that may serve them better, that is much more beneficial than discarding the discussion altogether.

Now, do I feel that every debate or conversation about Black hair is worthwhile? I’ve seen quite a few that, as Kanye would say, have people worried ’bout the wrong things. Combative discussions, “let me talk over you because I think my point is the only correct one” conversations, conversations that are a waste of time because we aren’t even scratching the surface of what needs to be discussed…I’ve seen them all, and leave much more frustrated than enlightened. As I mentioned to my debate partner, I think the conversations are important, but the way we are having them may not be effective. In my eyes, two things will help us move to a place where we can effectively move past the divisiveness and combativeness: we need to have intelligent and honest conversations about hair (like UPenn’s Symposium), and we need those with unbridled self-confidence to share it with those who may need the boost.

What do you think of debates and discussions on Black hair? How confident do you truly feel in the way you choose to wear your hair? Did you tune into the UPenn Symposium on the Politics of Black Hair? What did you think?

February 19, 2013 

IT’S ALL IN THE ENDS: Bee’s Trimming Tips

Stop and think – when was the last time you had a trim? Whether done by yourself or a stylist, honestly answer that question. If it’s been a while, this post is for you!

Here’s the deal with trims: I’ve been to too many stylists in my life who confuse “trim” with “haircut”. Since I’ve gone natural, I’ve either attempted to do my own trim, or just hoped for the best when my stylist pulled out the scissors. Lately, however, I’ve been bad. Really bad. And really lazy. I admittedly had an overdue trim that I should have gotten in August…but didn’t get it until my next appointment at Curl Bar Beauty Salon in November. Yikes, I know. I’ve since learned the error of my ways, and I’m here to help you! To borrow from Jay-Z, Bee did that, so hopefully you won’t have to go through that.

Hair ends are the senior citizens of your hair strand, so you’ve got to treat them with the same care and tenderness that you do with Grandma and Grandpa. Sealing/moisturizing ends and doing protective styles that keep your ends away from friction and harsh weather will help, but every once in a while, you’ve got to let those ends go.

For me, not trimming meant:

  • crunchy, crispy ends that wouldn’t hold a twist
  • an audible and tactile difference when combing through my hair shaft
  • ends that frizzed
  • fairy knots and split ends that traveled up my hair shaft
  • drier than usual hair in general

After my long-overdue trim, I found:

  • the ends of my twists coiled perfectly
  • my entire hair shaft felt smooth
  • my hair was more moisturized
  • my twist-outs and Bantu knots were more uniform with no obvious curl difference in the ends

One thing I learned during a consultation at Curl Bar is that our hair ends are the part of the shaft that draw in the most moisture – therefore, if your ends are dry and damaged, you’re limiting the amount of moisture getting to the rest of your hair. 

My happy hair ends!

I’m from the school of thought that there is no one-schedule-fits-all decision on when you should trim your hair. Some trim every 6-8 weeks, some once a quarter, some do mini-trims or dusting once a month, and others trim just as they see fit. I am personally going to commit to trimming once every quarter, whether by myself or at the salon.

Here’s how I’ve always done my own trims:

  1. Thoroughly wash and detangle hair
  2. Blow hair out on medium heat
  3. Set hair in approximately 20-25 two-strand twists
  4. Hold the twist taught and use the width of a pinky finger to measure the length to be cut
  5. Using sharp trimming scissors, snip and continue

Trimming not only helps to ensure the health of my hair, but it makes me even more diligent in taking care of the Grandma and Grandpa of my hair shaft. Moisturizing, sealing, and protecting hair from snagging along my winter scarves and frigid weather becomes crucial, because the more you take care of your ends, the less you’ll have to cut. It doesn’t mean you’ll never have to let go of ends – but hopefully you won’t wait as long as me to get a fresh start!

When was the last time you got a trim? What was the worst trimming experience you ever had? 

January 22, 2013 

CURL TALK PT 2: Curly Hair Lessons From Curl Bar Beauty Salon

Photo source: Curly Affirmations

Did you catch Part 1 of my interview with Trudie Mulalu of Toronto’s Curl Bar Beauty Salon? There was so much I wanted to know, that I had to split it into two parts – in this segment, we get a bit more in depth about curly hair care and the styling options we have available to us. Take a read, and don’t forget to visit Curl Bar online, follow on Twitter, and like their Facebook page – and if you’re in Toronto and looking for a great salon, give Curl Bar a call!

Without further ado – here’s Trudie giving us the real deal on curly hair care!

As we move into the colder fall and winter months, what should we do to ensure that our hair stays healthy?

In cold weather, keeping up with the hydration of your curls using the right products will prevent the dryness and frizz. Use a conditioner that works with and for your hair and not against it. Example, when hair is shedding in the winter most people tend to give themselves a protein treatment when all they need is a moisturizing treatment. Protein dries out your hair if not used correctly. Protein is usually used to try and repair broken bonds after a chemical treatment. Please pay attention to the ingredients and instructions on products. 

Give your hair a deep conditioning MOISTURIZING treatment (the tighter your curl the more frequent you need one, up to once a week). The product should be left on for the FULL RECOMMENDED time for it to have the desired effect. 

Dry hair thoroughly before stepping outside to avoid frozen hair that would weaken your hair strands causing breakage. 

Cover up! Use hats, scarves and other soft fabrics. Make sure your woolen hats are lined with a silky fabric and lastly line the collar of your woolen coat to prevent your nape hairs getting tangled.

What’s one of the biggest hair myths you’ve heard regarding naturally curly and kinky hair? How would you dispel it?

 “My hair wont grow if I trim it.”

Very true! So many of us are afraid of trimming our hair, because we’re trying to hold on to length. Why are trims important? How often should we be trimming?

Trims are important for several reasons: 

-To get rid of split ends. The split ends will spread up your strand and eventually the weaker part will break off leaving the ends of your hair thin.

-To oxygenate the ends to enable your strands to take in the moisture you are giving it. 

I have several analogies I can give for this, but will leave it for the next interview, hopefully I will get another one hint hint :)

What are the top three tools or products that kinky/curly girls should have?

1. A great moisturising leave-in conditioner (this can be used as a cleanser, conditioner and leave-in if necessary)

2. A penetrating oil

3. A Diffuser (for longer hair)

I often speak to natural-haired women who find themselves in a rut with their hair. What are some good options if we want to change things up and try something new?

A curly girl has several good options: 

- color is always exciting, even if it is just partial

- extensions (make sure the extensions are the same weight and texture as your own hair to prevent putting stress on your own hair;

- a cut (not a trim) to funk it up. 

These, of course, are just general suggestions – the ideal option would depend on the curly/kinky girl’s lifestyle.

 There you have it! A few tips from one of Toronto’s knowledgeable stylists, Trudie Mulalu of Curl Bar Beauty Salon. Do you have any other burning hair questions that you wish you could ask a professional? Let me know!

January 17, 2013 

CURL TALK: Interview With Trudie Mulalu of Curl Bar Beauty Salon

On an almost weekly basis, I’ll receive a text/email/DM/Facebook message asking for my opinion or recommendation on Toronto salons. The hair business is a sensitive one – clients want to go where they know they’ll get the best service and treatment for their hard-earned money, and the majority of stylists I chat with don’t take that lightly.

Back in the spring/summer of 2012, I started hearing from stylists at other Toronto salons that there was about to be a new kid on the block. They didn’t tell me with jealousy or competition in their voices – instead, it seemed like they were trying to give me the scoop on the low. I had held the assumption that the salon industry was cut-throat, yet here were stylists telling me to look out for a new natural/curly hair specialty salon that would likely be able to take care of me and my hair without breaking the bank. Finally, I heard that Curl Bar Beauty Salon was open for business – and the rest is pretty much history.

This downtown Toronto salon is multi-service (as noted by their extensive service list), but specializes in caring for all kinds of curly hair. I recently had the honour of interviewing Trudie Mulalu, Curl Bar’s owner, and will share part 1 with you today! Read on to get to know Trudie and Curl Bar a little bit better…

Curl Bar Beauty Salon’s Trudie Mulalu

Welcome to ’83 To Infinity! Tell our readers 3 randomly interesting things about yourself.

1. I am an entrepreneurial mother and have mastered the delicate balance of running a business, having a profession and managing my family.

2. I am patient, calm, personable,  and accommodating;

3. I am a basketball and soccer mom and a die hard Liverpool Soccer club fan:)

Tell us a bit about your own natural hair journey. Did you transition long-term or short-term? Or have you always been natural?

 

I have been natural for eight years but previously had weaves followed by wigs in order to transition back to my natural hair.

How did you get started in the profession of hairstyling? What are your biggest joys and struggles with the job?

My sisters had a hair salon in Zambia – I used to help out and enjoyed the salon ambiance and meeting all kinds of people. I opened my first salon (in the same location- 33A Sherbourne Street) as a business before I became a hairstylist. Watching the stylists at work, I developed a curiosity and wanted to learn about the science of hair. I subsequently did the training in order to enhance my understanding of the technical side of the science of hair. With this understanding came a greater respect for the styling process and its challenges and rewards and I found myself thoroughly enjoying being a stylist.

My biggest joy is being able to connect with my clients beyond servicing their hair needs. Each and everyone of them is unique and special and spending time with them always offers new, enlightening and fresh perspectives on the joys and difficulties of life in general. Before becoming a stylist I underestimated the importance and meaning of hair to people and my experience has taught me to respect the fact that hair is an integral part of their identity and is intrinsically linked to their self-esteem. The service has to be parallel to this and be the best possible every single time. This is the on-going struggle. To stay current and relevant with not only new and improved processes but also with ever evolving trends. Finding the time to stay on top of all this is a challenge and a struggle but it is always a great investment in the services we offer and ultimately and most importantly, it is a value-added service for all our clients.

Both you and Karlene (Curl Bar‘s head stylists) have trained at Lorraine Massey’s Devachan Academy in New York. Curl Bar is a Deva Inspired Salon. What does that mean?

Curl Bar is a Deva Inspired Salon, meaning that we are teaching people how to love and embrace their natural curls/hair by teaching them how to care for it. With a greater understanding comes greater appreciation and love for one’s hair and oneself. That is why our motto is “It’s not just about the hair but the experience!”

You’ve owned salons in both Toronto and Halifax, Nova Scotia – tell us a bit about your business journey, and how the two cities compared to each other.

I previously co-owned Mico’s Hair Design operating out of two locations - 33A Sherbourne St and 645 King Street West. I sold the businesses when we temporarily relocated to Nova Scotia for my husband to pursue his post-graduate studies in architecture at Dalhousie University. Halifax was a very good market as there were only two salons servicing the multicultural community and mine was one of the two.

Toronto is a lot bigger, busy, flat, and more multicultural, Halifax is smaller, intimate with a beautiful landscapes and the people are super friendly and always willing to help.

Toronto is bigger in terms of demographics but other than that, from a business/stylist standpoint, customers have the same hair needs. 

What made you want to own your own salon? What advice would you offer other budding entrepreneurs?

Being a mother I wanted to have more flexibility with my time. The advice I would offer to other budding entrepreneurs is what is generally known but rarely practiced – do what you love! If you are that invested in it, the countless hours invested in making it a viable and sustainable business will be well worth it. It’s not easy but perseverence and hard work have their own rewards.

Tell us about Curl Bar. What were your goals and objectives for opening this salon? What sets Curl Bar apart from other Toronto salons?

Objectives: To provide a nurturing and professional environment where services are provided in a timely manner using an education-based system of empowering clients to be able to maintain their hair at home.  

Difference from other salons:

  • We care greatly about what we do and treat every customer like they are our only customer.
  • We are not only providing excellent professional service in a timely manner but are committed to building long lasting relationships.
  • We strive to impart valuable specific hair maintenance information to our clients to help them manage their hair in between salon visits – and we make ourselves available for post-visit consultations by telephone, email or better still, drop-ins.

What has the response been from your customers? Do you find that more women are embracing their kinks and curls?

I am grateful that the response has been good and very encouraging. More women are certainly embracing their kinks and curls. There really is a curl-volution happening!

What are the top three hair concerns that naturally curly girls come to you with? What advice can you offer?

The three top concerns are: 

 a) dryness and frizz

 b) not knowing the right products to use and how to use them

c) Shrinkage/lack of length

My advice to them would be as follows:

a) Developing and following a moisturizing regiment using the right products for your hair type and needs. Sticking to it will eventually balance the moisture level in the hair and get rid of the dryness and frizz. It starts with the right cleanser, followed by a leave-in conditioner and some pure penetrating oil and then a styler to seal the moisture in and hold the curl.

b) It is worth it to invest the time to go to a professional for a consultation as to what works best for your SPECIFIC hair needs. A person may have different curl patterns on one head that need to be addressed separately. 

c) Shrinkage (sigh) It is what it is, one just has to accept this and work with it. You can only stretch your curls/coils so much. Accept and work with what you have.

Don’t worry – there’s more to come! Part 2 of my interview with Trudie will be up next week! In the meantime, be sure to follow Curl Bar on Twitter, like their Facebook page, and check out their website! You’ll be able to see before/after client shots, get hair care tips, and other goodies! 
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