Ever had an opportunity present itself that was SO GOOD, you knew you couldn’t pass it up, no matter what the cost was? One such opportunity presented itself to me last week, and now I’m here to tell you – I went to The Maury Povich Show yesterday. I’ll let you take these 28 seconds to bask in your envy of me:
Anyways. A friend of mine sent away for Maury tickets back in March, and was finally contacted by the studio that her tickets were ready – it didn’t take much to convince me that this was a road trip I needed to take, so I packed a bag, gassed up the Pacer, and got ready to roll…
After a 9 hour drive, the Maury Massive reached Manhattan, where we would be picked up by shuttle and taken to the studio where the show is taped. We made our way through the labyrinth of one-way streets until we finally found a parking lot, and had our first encounter with the new stacking method of parking in NYC:
Cars on top of cars
Safe to say, we didn’t trust it. I’m always wary of leaving car keys with parking attendants, but we were getting closer and closer to our pick up time, so we said a prayer and handed over the keys.
We walked over near Madison Square Garden and after a short wait, the shuttle arrived and we were on our way to Stamford, Connecticut! Before we knew it (mainly because we all fell asleep on the ride), we were pulling up to the NBC Universal studio and got ready for the ratchet-ness that is The Maury Povich Show.
Just a note: both Jerry Springer and The Steve Wilkos Show are taped in the same studio…so you know that building is a den of boolshyt.
We were searched and went through a metal detector, then carted into a holding area where multiple flat screen TVs played Maury episodes while we waited…and waited…and waited…and waited some more. Three episodes later, we wondered a) where was our free lunch, and b) where was damn Maury?? It was at this time that I finally got to observe the other folks who were waiting with us. There was one man, about 7ft tall, 700 lbs who kept snoring like a chain saw. Then there was the dude who ran for a front row seat when the episode showed a male stripper gyrating on stage. Then there was the girl who screamed at each and every person who took pictures in the waiting room. Then there were the scores of people who openly talked about coming to see Maury on the regular…I guess this was the new bingo hall/casino for some folks.
Finally, lunch was served:
Maury knows he's dead wrong for this...
That was it. One frowsy slice of cheese pizza. Want a drink? Buy one from the vending machine. The best I could do was go up for a second slice and hope no one said anything. I mean, come on. I’m sure there’s a catering company that would JUMP at the chance to have a contract with Maury. But what do I know…
So, another short wait after our lunch and we were directed to the lobby, where we would be seated for the show. Finally! Everyone’s mood lifted – we forgot about all the weirdos around us and the thin-ass pizza we just ate, and got ready to enter the holy ground of paternity tests and lie detector results:
The Maury studio - smaller than it seems on TV
Lights! Camera! Action!
The show was about to start.
One of Maury’s producers came out to give us the rundown. We were going to be on an “updates” show (insert groans from people who wanted the real deal paternity test episode). Maury would introduce the segments by playing clips of the guests’ previous time on the show – whatever the audience did in the clip, we were to do 10x louder. We practiced booing, cheering, gasping in surprise, groaning in disgust, and the standing ovation we were to give Maury when he took his seat at his throne as the king of television debauchery. We were promised tons of camera exposure, so I had hubby check my hair and teeth, and got ready to act a fool for Maury.
The show was HILARIOUS. I won’t give away all the details (watch Maury during the 2nd week in October to see your girl wild out in the audience), but we saw a ton of foolishness. A 16-year-old boy who lied to his mother about breaking up with his 32-year-old girlfriend; a woman who found out her man was cheating on her with her 19-year-old sister; and a grandmother who denied her grandson because the baby looked Norwegian (her son was Black), among other things. But even when it was a boring segment, just the sheer fact that we were asked to be ridiculously animated made it fun.
The man himself
Plus, Maury himself was a G. A chick screamed out “MAURY!!!” and he responded with “Yo!” He told us Connie was chillin’ and he’d tell her we said hi. At the end of the show, he told us we ended his week on such a good note that he was going to go and enjoy a 40 ounce. And let me tell you…I believed that man.
I left there hoarse, dying of laughter, and loving the fact that I got to see this nonsense up close. It’ll be interesting t0 see how everything gets edited, but I made sure that the cameraman found me doing my best boos and cheers, so hopefully you catch a sista’s TV debut in October!
Ever gone to a live taping of a TV show? Do you really think the nonsense on Maury is real? And please, if you happen to catch me on Maury, let a sista know!!
