HomieLoverFriend and I gettin' our dance on in December 2008

I have to admit something. Though I’m pretty handy and self-sufficient when it comes to my hair, I haven’t ever washed, blow dried, and flat-ironed my hair on my own since going natural. The main reason is because I don’t have the best flat-iron or blow drier, which I hope to rectify soon. I do have a good enough iron for touch ups, but I’m happy to say I haven’t picked it up once in the week since I flat-ironed my hair! This is a feat for me, because I used to be borderline-obsessive about my flat-iron touch ups. When I started teetering on the brink of heat damage from using the iron almost every other day, I knew I’d have to find a new way to maintain my flat-ironed locks until wash day.

During my most recent flat-iron rendezvous. P.S. - Don't mess with Sunset rum from St. Vincent...

My maintenance routine is pretty damn simple, and requires 4 tools: my trusty satin scarf, Denman brush, duckbill clips, and coconut oil.

When I was relaxed, I used to just sleep on my hair any ole kinda way and get up early to make it look decent in the morning. That was the same vibe I had when I went natural and started flat-ironing. Now, I see that maintenance, especially during sleepytime, takes so much work out of the morning routine! Wrapping my hair is a must, even though it took me a while to get the hang of it. I use my Denman to brush my hair in a circular clockwise motion, and use 3-4 duckbill clips to pin my hair down at various sections. My wrap never looks perfect, but once I get my hair laid, I’m good to go. I tie it down snugly (not tightly – I hate that line across the forehead in the morning), and hit the sheets!

TOLD you my wraps aren't pretty! When I saw how bad this one looked, I asked the Mister to wait for me to re-wrap so he could take another shot. He said no.

In the morning, I remove the scarf and clips, and use the Denman to brush down my hair. I smooth my hair with a small amount of coconut oil (which adds shine and fights frizz), and I’m on my way! No extra heat required!

Of course, with straightened hair, moisture isn’t an ally. If I get a bit frizzy from a steamy post-shower bathroom or when it’s very humid out, I apply some coconut oil, wrap my hair, tie it down, and that usually remedies the situation right away. It’s a similar process if I put my hair up one day, and want to get rid of those annoying hair elastic waves when I wear it down. In rare circumstances I do have to bring out the good ole flat-iron, but I do what I can to avoid any extra usage.

The message of the day? Wrapping your hair is the way, the truth, and the light if you want to maintain healthy and happy flat-ironed hair!

Are you a natural-haired chica who flat-irons your hair? Do you find yourself reaching for the iron often for touch-ups, or you manage with another technique? What’s the best flat-iron and blow dryer out now? A sista needs some new tools!

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3. Hair Adventures: How Far Do You Go?

Photo source

I made a comment earlier on Twitter about how this little blog has opened my mind to so many possibilities that I never would have considered before. The main catalyst for my openness? The fact that now, I’m able to write about things that a year ago, I may not have shared with anyone. Today’s post will be one of those things. Get comfy and read on!

As I mentioned before on the blog, I recently had surgery to remove a pre-cancerous lesion from my cervix. I’ve been struggling with how to write this post – one edit was like a novel, and another was like a cold, impersonal WebMD article. I almost scrapped the whole piece until I read that Yvette Wilson, the actress who played Andell in Moesha and The Parkers, is currently suffering from aggressive cervical cancer and kidney failure. My goal is to share my experience with the hopes that at least one person out there will be educated, will embrace the importance of prevention/early detection of disease, and/or will realize they’re not the only one out there dealing with this. So…how did this all start for me?

Recently, HomieLoverFriend and I decided we were ready to jump into parenthood. Annual checkups were done, the fertility/conception conversation was had with the doctor, and we were on our way. About a month after my annual GP/GYN visit, I got a call from my doctor that my Pap test (which checks for changes in the cells of the cervix) had come back with abnormal results. Before I had a chance to let that sink in, I was told that another procedure had already been scheduled to confirm the abnormality. My tentative diagnosis was HGSIL – high-grade squamous intra-epithelial lesion, and the procedure I was set to have was called a colposcopy.

Cervical Health Lesson: Thanks to my frantic Google search after I received my paperwork, I learned that cervical cell abnormality is also known as cervical dysplasia. Cervical dysplasia is not a one-size-fits all condition – there are varying levels of cell abnormality. Atypical squamous cells show some change in cell structure, and is the most common abnormal finding in Pap tests. Low-grade squamous intra-epithelial lesions show change in the size and shape of cells, and is considered a mild abnormality. High-grade squamous intra-epithelial lesions show more evident change in the size and shape of cells, and is considered a severe abnormality. You can read more here. HGSILs look extremely different from normal cells, and are listed as pre-cancerous, or carcinoma in situ. Needless to say, I clicked on that red X after seeing one too many cancer references. I did go back to Google the colposcopy procedure, but I’ll tell you about it from my perspective.

A couple weeks after I got the news, I was headed to a downtown Toronto hospital for my colposcopy. Overall, a colposcopy is very similar to your average Pap test. However, the doctor uses a microscope and an acetic acid solution in the cervix (which turns the lesion white) for clear identification. My doctor had his microscope connected to a flat screen TV, so aside from the initial shock of seeing my lady parts in high-definition, it was cool to watch the entire procedure. I thought the lesion would be an actual raised area, but it was just an area of abnormal cells surrounding the cervix. The doctor decided to take 3 biopsies from the affected area, and let me just say, that was the strangest feeling I’ve had in a long time. No real way to explain it, but the pain was sharp, though it didn’t last longer than a few seconds. Within the span of 15 minutes, I was done. The doc used a solution to help stop the bleeding and sent me on my way with a diaper-sized hospital pad for the spotting that would follow after the procedure.

“Spotting” actually became full-on bleeding that lasted for nearly a week. Being anemic as well, this wasn’t a fun time. About a week after that, I followed up with my doc. He confirmed the HGSIL diagnosis, and expressed his concern at how quickly I had gone from Normal Pap Lady to HGSIL Sufferer. He explained that certain types of HPV (human papillomavirus) can cause cervical cancer, so he suggested I also get the Gardasil vaccine for further cervical health. HPV has been all over the media lately – this virus affects up to 75% of all sexually active Canadians, but is usually cleared up by healthy immune systems. So what would the next step for me be? A procedure called a LEEP, which would remove the pre-cancerous lesion.

LEEP stands for loop electrosurgical excision procedure, which uses a low-voltage electric current to sear off the affected area. The LEEP is preferred because it only requires local anesthesia, is a precise and quick procedure, and does not damage the removed tissue, which allows it to be sent for further testing. Last week on my birthday, I found myself back in the hospital and in that oh-so-stylish hospital gown. Once the anesthesia was administered, I was feeling warm, fuzzy, and in a calm albeit high-as-a-kite state. I heard the doc say he was looking for the lesion, then heard the whirring of the electrical wire. What seemed like 5 minutes later (but was really about 20), I asked the doc if he found it, to which he replied, “Found it? I’m almost done!” The area was cauterized and another special solution was applied to help stop the bleeding. Once I gathered myself, I was on my way – with another diaper-thick pad in my possession.

Going Forward: Once the anesthesia wore off a couple of hours later, I started to feel some serious cramping. Cramps and bleeding are common aftereffects of the LEEP, and I enjoyed all of that plus increased fatigue. I’m on a no sex-no tampon-no heavy lifting-no exercising diet for the next 3 weeks until I follow up with my doctor again. Can you tell how excited I am about that? In all reality, it’s a small price to pay in exchange for a healthy cervix.

The moral of the story? As I said at the beginning of this post, early detection, if not full-out prevention, is your friend. Had I skipped this year’s physical and decided to put it off until next year, things may not have been so simple. Having worked in global healthcare, I know all too well the disparities between various countries and access to quality care. However, being your own health advocate is worth more than gold. Keep up with regular appointments, and never shy away from the professionals if you think something is wrong. It just literally might save your life.

Whew! That was a doozy. If you made it this far, I thank you! Have you been through something similar? Do you have any questions about the LEEP procedure or any other cervical health issues? I’m not a doctor, but could give you my perspective and/or point you in the direction of some good information! Let me know!

No related posts.

At 6:05pm on May 10th, I officially turned 29. It’s my Bee-Day, and I have to be honest – this was the most emotional one in a long time.

I’m not the type to shy away from my birthday. I love new beginnings. I love the possibilities that each new year brings. I love parties. I love gifts. I love birthday attention. It seems almost every awkward icebreaker I’ve participated in at networking events asks “What’s your favourite holiday?” As self-centred as it may seem, “May 10th” is always my answer. Lol. What can I say? I LOVE my birthday!

So, what makes this birthday such a standout in my mind?

Well, it’s the last year in a decade, and I’ll be saying goodbye to my twenties soon. Farewell to drunken nights, summer flings, reckless shopping, and livin’ la vida YOLO – hello to home ownership, sensible vehicle choices, and slowed metabolism. Or something like that. 29 is a great age to look back at the journey thus far, and get ready for the next part of the ride. My 9th and 19th years were amazing, so I’m predicting more of the same with 29.

As much as I love the “me me me!” attention I acquire on my birthday, I know I’m not the only person born on May 10th. Two very important people in my life, my cousins Marc and Michael, were also born on the same day, same year, and I can’t think of better people to share my special day with. I’ve talked about my cousins before, especially Michael and the impact he left on me when he passed away in November. Today is the first birthday without him, so the bittersweet taste of the day has been lingering in my heart and mind since I started my annual Bee-Day countdown. Every time I excitedly referenced my upcoming birthday in conversation, I’d feel a pang of sadness – a reminder that he wouldn’t be here for birthday texts, cake, and jokes about me being their honourary triplet sister. In texts back and forth with Marc today, he reminded me that Mike was still here with us today – and he’s so right. So, happy birthday, Mike! 

On Twitter and Facebook, I’ve been alluding to the fact that I would be ringing in Bee-Day #29 in a way that I never have before. What I meant by that requires a separate post of its own (which is coming!), but I’ll share a bit with you now. Bright and early on my birthday morning, I opened a few gifts (hello NARS blush! hello silver bracelet!), then headed downtown to a local hospital and had surgery. Not the usual birthday celebration, huh? I’ve referenced my cancer scare before, but that wasn’t the end of the story. I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous cervical lesion last month, and as my doctor wanted to expedite my treatment, surgery was scheduled right away – with the lucky date landing on my birthday. People asked me why I wouldn’t just speak up and ask the doctor to change the date. The thought crossed my mind, but I kept the scheduled day for two reasons. One being that as soon as I know something is wrong, and as soon as there is a plan in place to take care of it, I don’t like to delay. Especially anything related to cancer. Secondly, I’m a strangely symbolic person – so having this procedure done on my birthday even further strengthens the meme of ‘new beginnings’. I still have some treatment to go through, but after this surgery, I’m even more motivated to live a healthier life. This diagnosis (which came almost a year to the day from Michael’s leukemia diagnosis) has changed my mentality indefinitely. What a way to bring in 29!

So, what’s next? Here I am, standing at the doorway of my 29th year, about to step over the threshold and into a new, exciting, and positive journey. 28 wasn’t the greatest – though the highlight was my wedding and all the good things that brought, overall last year was stressful and sad. I’m hoping 29 rectifies that – wait. I know 29 is not only going to rectify that, but it’s going to bring awesome and amazing things! All gold and sparkly and happy everything this year!

Are you a birthday fiend like me? What has been your favourite birthday thus far? 

If you’re in Toronto, don’t forget to hit up Dazzling Lounge tonight for Fashionably Late’s Timeline party! I’ll still be shakin’ a leg, but I might have to leave the table dancing to next year…I’ve been taking doctor’s orders to rest up, but best believe I’m not gonna miss my Bee-Day celebrations!  Come on out to watch me do the best subdued two-step you’ve ever seen!

Related posts:

1. Big Hair For A Big Year: Hello, 2012!

Today is May 7th, which marks almost a quarter of the way through the month, and almost a quarter of the way through the 31 Day Reset Challenge! After a busy Friday and Saturday, I had to play catch-up with my last few assignments, but I’m back on track! So far, the exercises have been extremely insightful, and have really made me look at things and think about things differently.

The past few assignments have centred around personal values – the things in life that are important to us, and the things that we hold dear. The first step on Day 4 was to identify the things in life that we value – a few of mine were “optimal health and wellness”, “traveling”, “financial success & security”, and “inspiring and empowering others”. From the list of approximately 20 that I wrote down, the next step was to then create my Reset 10 list – selecting the top 10 values.

On Day 5, we took it a step further. First, I had to review my Reset 10 and rate myself on a scale from 1-10 on how well I was embracing or living up to that value. “Maintaining a happy marriage” rated a 9, “optimal health and wellness” rated a 4, and “owning a beautiful home” rated 1 (hey, we all gotta start somewhere!). It was at this point that I took an honest look at what was important to me, and just how well I was or wasn’t doing at upholding that importance. It’s quite easy to write a list of all the things we value in life, but it’s much more difficult to hold that list up to real life and see how it compares. Not rating myself highly on owning a home wasn’t a terrible thing, seeing as how I’m just starting out on the path to home ownership. However, other items that weren’t rated so highly gave me the sads, and further reminded me that I was WELL overdue for a change.

Part 2 of Day 5 focused on values in action – for each value, we had to identify 3 things we would do to be actively engaged within them. For “optimal health and wellness” I wrote workout regularly, eat well, and de-stress. For “do fulfilling work” I wrote work somewhere that fits my values, build more as an entrepreneur, and find ways to help others. My sads started to fade away at this point – putting my values into action gave me a bit of a game plan on what to do in order to live up to my values. Items that were rated 1′s or 2′s weren’t dead ends – it was just a starting point, and there was literally nowhere to go but up!

I patiently awaited my Day 6 email this morning, and wondered what we were going to do next with our values. I got my answer when the email arrived – the next task was to create a personal mission statement. A great definition of personal mission statement was provided by the personal development site Dumb Little Man:

Your personal mission statement should be a concise representation of what’s most important to you, what you desire to focus on, what you want to achieve, and, ultimately, who you want to become. In its purest form, it’s an approach to your life, one that allows you to identify a focus of energy, creativity, and vision in living a life in support of your inner-most beliefs and values. Also remember that your mission will change over time as you and your life change.

From there, I took my various values and drew up what I consider to be my personal mission statement:

My mission in life is to live the dream. In all areas, I plan to make my aspirations a reality, and live the type of life that I have always imagined. Above all, I value wellness, happiness, love, fulfillment, and success. I honour optimal holistic health & wellness in mind, body, and soul. I honour my marriage by maintaining open communication, honesty, support, laughter, love, and fun with my husband. I honour my family and friendships by maintaining closeness and always being there for each other. I honour the impact I will leave on the world by doing work that fulfills me, that inspires and empowers, and that allows me to use my skills and experiences to help others. I embrace my entrepreneurial spirit and my artistic spirit, and will create my own success. I embrace financial success & stability, traveling, and having the perfect home to return to after a long day. Positivity, prayer, faith, and breaking the rules when necessary – all of these things will help me to live the dream.

Yes, it’s a mouthful, and no, I don’t plan on memorizing it any time soon – but I could see how reading this first thing in the morning may help me to get the day started off right! After creating my personal mission statement, I’m more motivated than ever. Time to live up to my values!

If you’re part of the 31 Day Reset Challenge, let me know! Are you enjoying it so far? Whether you’re in the challenge or not, what do you think about creating a personal mission statement?

Don’t forget my Bee-Day celebrations going down this Friday at Fashionably Late’s Timeline party – Dazzling Lounge, 291 King Street W. is the location! The only gift I need is your presence!

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1. RESET: The 31 Day Reset Your Life Challenge

Last summer, a few ambitious folks got together and thought, “What is the Toronto nightlife scene missing?” Events that are not full of posed-up “industry” folks, parties that aren’t geared to the “I stole my 21-year-old cousin’s ID” crowd, jams that don’t end with hotheads scrapping over perceived disrespect…kinda hard to come by in general, but seem to be few and far between in Toronto. I’ve lived here for 5 years, and some say I’ve missed the golden era of Toronto nightlife – but I have to say, the good parties I’ve been to in the city have been GOOD PARTIES. Thanks to those ambitious folks I mentioned (the good people of R Flavour, This Is Your Conscience, and Goddess Intellect), Toronto has another good party series to coincide with the return of the good weather – Fashionably Late!

Summer 2011 found me at Dazzling Lounge nearly every Friday. Dope Asian fusion cuisine, yummy drinks, good company and hype music (shout out to main DJ Kold Fusion) – I had quite the time. I ran into old friends, met new ones, danced to Poison with Robin Givens and got holla’d at by Clifton Powell (aka Pinky from the Friday movies). Let’s just say, every Friday night was an experience.

Starting tonight (yes – TONIGHT!), Fashionably Late will regain it’s position as the Friday night place to be for a cool, sexy, and fun affair. Dazzling Lounge has just revamped its patio space, so I’m excited to do some patio photo shoots with the Toronto skyline as my backdrop! The Fashionably Late team has a ton of tricks up their sleeve to add to your party experience. It’s not just about a drink and a two-step – Fashionably Late plans to fully entertain you with special nights and pre-party happy hour events.

Speaking of special nights – the 2nd Friday of each month will be the Timeline party. DJ Kold Fusion will take you on a musical journey with an old school groove, taking us from current time to the mid 80′s in hip hop, RnB, reggae, soca, house, and anything else he comes up with (people have broken heels to Nirvana thanks to DJ Kold Fusion, so wear your good shoes, ladies!). Next Friday, May 11th, will be the first Timeline jam, and it’ll also be my birthday party! I’m calling it my Bee-Day Party, and I want you (yes, YOU!) there!  My actual birthday is May 10th, but I’ll be ringing in my new year at Fashionably Late on the 11th. If you want to come sip a drink or dance on a table top with me, shoot me an email! Hit me up on Facebook! Tweet me on Twitter! You know how to reach me I may be doing my own little event at an upcoming Fashionably Late, so I’ll keep y’all posted on that too…

Catch up with the Fashionably Late news via their Facebook page and Twitter – come shake a leg!

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3. Friday Night Lights

For me, the month of May brings a lot of great things. Between the start of really beautiful spring/summer weather and the new year celebration that is my birthday (I’m celebrating on May 11th at Fashionably Late Fridays – be there!), I usually have a great time in May. May means new beginnings, rebirth, and rejuvenation, and I plan to go all the way this month. I feel like this birthday, this new year, is the signal of an epic year to come in the life of Bee, and I want to herald it in the right way. Lucky for me, I found out about Rosetta Thurman’s 31 Days To Reset Your Life Challenge, and signed up right away!

Rosetta Thurman is an inspiration. Blogger, web whiz, and leadership consultant – she quit her non-profit career and has built a niche for herself as a successful entrepreneur. I subscribe to her Facebook page, and when I saw her post about the kick-off of the 31 day challenge, I had to learn more.

The 31 Days To Reset Your Life Challenge is a “virtual life coaching program”, designed for:

anyone who wants to manifest a change in their life, design a more fulfilling existence, make room for new possibilities or simply gain more clarity about their path to happiness and success. This challenge will especially be of benefit to you if you’ve felt stuck or in a rut during the last year.

Manifest a change, did you say? Stuck or in a rut, did you say? As soon as I read this, I felt like Rosetta had been peeking through my window. I signed up and patiently awaited my 1st of 31 emails – each day, we will be sent emails with exercises or assignments to help us manifest that change, or to get unstuck and out of that rut.

Today’s assignment was a 3-parter. Get a notebook. Pick your motto. Choose your theme song.

My notebook? I’ve got it. Even though I use this blog as a space to write about some personal things, you best believe I have a journal! This one has been with me for at least 2 years, on and off – and it’s the best one for me to use for this challenge.

My motto? This one took me a while to come up with, but I finally got it. “Step out on nothing, land on something”. I’ve been struggling a lot with maintaining faith. Glimmers of it come back here and there, but 2012 has been tough so far with keeping positive in spite of transitions or setbacks. I’m also a bit of a control freak. I started reminding myself to “step out on nothing, and land on something” when I was hesitating taking a chance, or when I was doubting myself that things would work out. I’ll admit, I’m not fully living in a space of undeniable and uncontested faith, but I’m working on it. I figured I’d use this motto to seal the practice in my mind over the next month, so we’ll see how things go…

My theme song? Chile – I had it picked out this morning before I even signed up for the Challenge (sorry, but this one has cussin’ – I like to stay authentic):

Click here to view the embedded video.

I have a lot of theme songs – I likely would have chosen “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley because I use that song to soothe my frazzled and stressed nerves on a weekly basis. However, this Watch The Throne track motivates me to jump higher, run faster, and be better. I can’t explain it, but this song just gets me hyped and ready to take on the world. I have a lot of dreams and goals, so the “Who Gon’ Stop Me?” mentality is one I need to maintain.

My May 1st assignment is done. As you read this, I’ll likely be working on my May 2nd exercise. We’ll see how I’m doing by the end of the month! I don’t think it’s too late to join – check details here, and learn more about Rosetta at her sites Happy Black Woman and Rosetta Thurman.

Are you joining in on the Challenge? Have you ever done something like this before? If so, did you stick it out to the end, or did you fall off? I’ll be checking in with you all as the next 30 days unfold, so keep me accountable!

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First up: my very first speaking engagement! A couple of weeks ago, I was happily surprised to get an email in my inbox inviting me to speak at the Malton Moms group in the Mississauga area. Malton Moms is a networking and support group for mothers in the Malton region, but in reality, they’re so much more than that. Malton Moms provides an environment for mothers to be educated, entertained, supported, and heard. For their Creative Cafe’s “Telling Your Story” edition of special meetings, I was invited to speak about how to “tell your story” with blogging.

With Crystal and Nadine from Malton Moms

For the last two Wednesdays, I spent my evenings in Mississauga with the group and talked, laughed, and learned. For the first session, I covered topics to help the ladies start and maintain their own blogs. It was easy to drive my points home by sharing my own personal experiences, and the ladies were receptive and interactive, which was awesome! For my second session, we focused on the Malton Moms blog, and I helped the group come up with a game plan for updating and revamping their site. This was especially great – the Malton Moms group is doing so many amazing things that it only makes sense for their web presence to mirror all of that awesomeness. Are you in the Malton area and looking for a group of mothers to connect with? You definitely need to get in touch with Malton Moms – check their Facebook page to stay updated! I had a great time, and was humbled and honoured to be invited to speak to their group. I was also inspired – there were a TON of sexy mommies up in there! Go ‘head, ladies!

What comes to mind when you think of spending an afternoon with 100 women you don’t know? For an introvert like me, that’s a nerve-wracking experience, but it’s one I encountered this past Sunday – and I loved it. I was lucky enough to attend the 3rd Annual How She Hustles Brunch at the Courtyard Marriot in downtown Toronto, and I had an amazing time! Hosted by Emily Mills and her team, the brunch was an opportunity to mix, mingle, and make real connections with women excelling in their main hustles and side hustles. This was different from other networking events because it was intimate enough to allow us the opportunity to chat with nearly every woman there. Everyone seemed positive, kind, and genuine in wanting to share their skills and learn about others – no pretentious posing or nonchalant business card tossing here! I was also impressed with the How She Hustles team’s usage of social media – Emily and her team used Twitter and Facebook so effectively, and created a way for women not in attendance to still feel like a part of the event. Awesome gift bags, dope giveaways, the opportunity to meet Twitter-friends in real life, and the chance to connect with other beautiful and inspiring women – this event was a major win all around! Connect with How She Hustles on Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube to stay up to date with future events, because I know I’ll never miss another one!

Big thanks to the homie Ajua Dee for snapping so many great pics!

And the events don’t stop! May is my birthday month, and I have a few cool events planned to celebrate! Like the Facebook page and follow me on Twitter for more details! If you were at the Malton Moms workshops or at the How She Hustles brunch, say hello! I’d love to keep in touch!

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“Whatever you do/Don’t funk with my groove…”

One of my favourite writers and Twitter-folks is the incomparable dream hampton. I’ve been following her work for a long time, and haven’t been disappointed by following her on Twitter too! Without sounding like too much of a stalker, let’s just say I love dream. You know she works hard at everything she does (writer/filmmaker/pilot/mother/etc) but she makes it look so effortless. As I mentioned to her on Twitter the other day, she seems live the “entire height, width, and depth of life” – a tweet inspired by her latest job description, music video director. I tell you…this woman does it all, and then some.

Dream made her debut as a video director with an earthy, eclectic video for THEESatisfaction‘s single, “QueenS“. THEESatisfaction is a funky/psychedelic/hip-hop/RnB/jazz fusion duo made up of Stasia Irons and Catherine Harris-White, based out of Seattle. Their sound has been compared to Digable Planets, Ursula Rucker, Q-Tip and Erykah Badu, with cultural inspirations like Octavia Butler, Solid Gold, and Outkast. To be honest, I haven’t heard anything that really sounds like what THEESatisfaction is bringing, but I’m feeling it. QueenS is the lead single off of their debut full-length album awE naturalE, and has instantly become my new theme song. I play this track in the morning. I play it when I’m getting ready to go out with the girls. I play it when I’ve been in a sh!tty mood and need a pick-me-up. I’m digging what these ladies are doing, and can’t wait to hear more from awE naturalE!

Now, the video. I fell in love with the visuals that dream concocted. Did you catch that young Whitney pic at 1:30? And those sheer polka-dot gloves at 2:03? With fashion, I’ve been really getting into colour and texture and prints, and this video was giving me everything I needed. Plus, this video (like the Jesse Boykins iii vid I featured recently) makes me wish that someone with a dope apartment would throw a dope houseparty and invite me…hint hint.

Click here to view the embedded video.

What do you think of THEESatisfaction’s QueenS? Are you feeling the sound? Did you like the visuals? What is your theme song these days?

Related posts:

1. Video Vibes: Newness From Teedra Moses & Jesse Boykins iii

Photo via africanamericanweddinghairstyles.blogspot.ca

Is it just me, or does it feel like April was a total blur? For me, that means that lots of awesome and fun things are just around the corner – and Wedding Season 2012 is about to kick off! This post is dedicated to those natural-haired brides and wedding guests who are looking for hair ideas for the big day!

A Few Things To Consider:

• Weather predictions: Will it be hot and humid? What about if it’s a damp, rainy day? Think about how your hair type holds up in different kinds of weather.
• Wedding time: Are you doing an evening ceremony, or is it earlier in the day? Consider how early you’re willing to get up and get started on hair prep, and how much time you’ll be able to devote to the process.
• Leaving on a jet plane? If you’re leaving for your honeymoon immediately after the wedding, you might want a style that will carry you through the vacation as well…
• Dress/Accessory style: Halter? Sweetheart? Detailed back? Dangly earrings? Birdcage veil? The type of dress and accompanying accessories will play into the hairstyle you choose.
• Personality: What’s your personal style? In my opinion, it’s good to do something extra-special for the day, but don’t deviate too much from what you’re comfortable with. You should still be YOU.
• Your hands or someone else’s? Are you hiring a stylist or prepping your style on your own?
• Hair length and type: Make sure to work with your hair, not against it!

Many brides feel that natural kinks and curls cannot be gussied up and fancified for glamorous events, and nothing could be further from the truth! Straightening safely is always an option (it’s the one I took last year), but it’s not your ONLY one. Here are some looks that prove my point:

Photo via munaluchibridal.com

Photo via essence.com

Photo via essence.com

Photo via essence.com

Photo via offbeatbride.com

Photo via offbeatbride.com

Photo via visualize.us

Photo via africanamericanweddinghairstyles.blogspot.ca

Many beautiful styles can be created by working with our natural hair. Braids, twists, flexi rods, roller sets, wash n’ go fros, TWAs, updos, half up/half down styles – all can be worked into something special for that big day or important event. Many people are still of the mindset that while natural hair is great, it still ‘needs’ to be straightened for a fancy outing. When I first started wearing my hair naturally, I echoed that sentiment and straightened my hair for any special event. As I’ve learned to do new things with my hair, I’ve had so much more fun creating intricate and glamorous styles on my own! Natural-haired ladies often praise the versatility of their kinks, curls, and waves – don’t forget about that versatility when it comes to your wedding (or other formal event) style!

What is your favourite natural formal style? Do you tend to reach for the flat iron or do you rock the curls? Are you a natural-haired bride-to-be? How is the hairstyle decision-making going? If you were a natural-haired bride, how did you wear your hair for the big day?

Related posts:

1. Artsy Fartsy: Natural Hair Overload
2. Not Quite Short But Not Quite Long: Styling Hair In The “In-Between” Phase
3. Wedding Styles for Naturals

HOWEVER. I have a Public Service Announcement to make: Please stay out of my uterus.

As a newlywed, I’ve had to deal with the timelines others have tried to impose on me and mine. Commentary about us taking too long to get engaged turned into conversations about how long we would take to walk down the aisle. That task being done, now we face the inevitable “When are you having children?” discussions – and I hate it. I’ve always detested the idea of others thinking I needed to do things based on their time frames, but lately I’ve reached a new stage of loathing with the incessant baby questions.

I know (or would hope) that people inquire and ask about baby plans with nothing but good intentions. People love nothing more than to see two happy, in love, got-their-sh*t-together people come together and create new life. With all the bad in the world, I know folks just want to feel something good – and what could be gooder (I’m using that word – fight me) than a beautiful, healthy, cuddly, baby-powder-scented infant to shower love upon? I know this. I understand this. So every time I get asked “When are you having kids?” or “What’s taking you so long?” or my personal fave “You’re not getting any younger, you know?” – I try to hope that good intentions are at the root.

Do I want kids? Absolutely. Does every woman want children? Nope. Is every woman who wants to bear children physically capable of doing so? Sadly, no. Do you know how many miscarriages a woman may have had to deal with in her quest to be a mom? No – you don’t. Do women who are trying to conceive know exactly how long it’ll take? Hell no.

Think about it. You may be (unknowingly) making assumptions and  imposing your values on someone who doesn’t share them. Or, you may be ripping the bandage off of a wound that hasn’t healed.  That woman you just asked may just be coming to grips with the miscarriage she had, or reeling from that doctor’s appointment last week that confirmed that she or her partner is infertile. On top of that, you could be adding pressure and stress to the woman who is trying to conceive. With all of the ovulation charting, prenatal vitamin taking, dietary restrictions, and scheduled sexing, something that is supposed to be natural feels anything but. When you asked her “What’s taking you guys so long?”, she may have just gotten her period – and she’s devastated because she thought this month would be “it”.

I used to be primarily sensitive to the fact that not every woman wants children. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that there are so many other factors at play that could make the topic of parenting especially sensitive. And now, I find myself having a specific reason to feel that way, other than my general dislike of doing things when others think I should do them. Without going into to much detail right now, I will share that I had a cancer scare recently. A scare that luckily is not thought to be cancer (final confirmation will be with the biopsy results in a couple weeks), but does require pokes and prods and tests and treatment plans that direct me to WebMD for somewhat reassuring info. With the irony of life, it would only make sense that the abnormal test result that set this all off would come up just as HomieLoverFriend and I decided to throw our hats in the parenting ring. Just as I was 100% ready to jump in, life snatched me back and said “Hol’ up! Hol’ up! Hol’ up! Hol’ up!” like Big Sean and ‘em. Thankfully, the doctors have said my treatment will not affect my ability to have a baby, but will most definitely delay the plans that were already in (fun and sexy) motion. Time to regroup, do what needs to be done, and jump back on the baby-makin’ train when the time is right. I’m OK with that – as long as I keep the “what ifs” at bay and hope for the best.

Anyways, let me bring it full circle. I say all of this just to remind people that the discussion around babies and whether to have them or not is always going to be one that requires kid gloves when handling. When you REALLY get down to the rooty and the tooty, if you aren’t helping with Jr’s college fund or offering to babysit when Mama and Daddy need to go out on the town, is it really your business? So – put your kid gloves on before you ask the question, or don’t ask at all. I’m sure you’ll get your answer eventually, one way or another.

What do y’all think? Are you also constantly on the receiving end of parenting questions? How do you handle it? Do you have any fears with regards to being a parent? For those who have a child – do you get asked when you’re going to have another? Speak on it!

No related posts.