Do you know a child who seems like they’ve been here before? Like they just know too damn much, to the point where it’s almost scary? One thing I love about children is that they have no filter, speak their minds, and are the most honest beings on this earth. With all the friends who currently have a bun in the oven, I can’t wait to see what personalities their kids will have. While everyone is waiting for these bundles of joy to cuddle with, I started thinking about what’s going to happen when they get a bit older…a bit wiser…and they learn how to talk. That is when all hell breaks loose. And I know, because I was one of those kids who had too much mouth. I can laugh now, but it wasn’t all fun and games back in the day…
Take for instance, one Monday morning in grade 3 where everyone took turns sharing one good thing from the weekend. “Bobby” (names have been changed to protect the innocent and uninformed) announced that he was going to have a new baby brother or sister, to which Miss Teacher stated, “Oh! The stork is going to bring a baby to your house soon!”
Here is where my young mind went “eeeerrrrrrrrrkkksssss!” My mom was a nurse (still is). For fun (don’t laugh), I would hide and read her medical books after I finished my own homework. This meant that I didn’t know a damn thing about storks, but I sure knew a lot about eggs, sperm, fertilization, zygotes, and embryos…so I went right on ahead, put my hand up, and when acknowledged, advised Miss Teacher that storks didn’t bring babies. “Really? So where do YOU think babies come from?”
I decided to start from the moment of conception. I had just gotten through the definition of sexual intercourse, and was in my zone discussing how the sperm fertilizes the egg, when I realized that Bobby was crying and Miss Teacher’s face was as red as Mr. Goudas pepper sauce. She quickly hushed me up and calmed Bobby down.
This incident led to me becoming somewhat of a young Sue Johanson. I’d hold recess sessions and answer questions about babies, pregnancy, and sex – and if I didn’t know the answer, I’d check Mom’s books that night and report back to the adoring masses the next day. My parents had no idea this was going on, until the parents of one of my friends complained to the school that their daughter was using “explicit language” that she learned from lil ole me. What was that explicit language, you ask? Just the anatomically correct terms for private parts – they were still happy with her using “wee-wee” and “down there” to describe things.
Anyways, I won’t tell you how that story ends. I will say that the incident led to a debate in my family about if I knew too much, or if everyone else just knew the wrong thing. No wonder I’ve pursued a career in health care and health promotion…
For all you parents – are you ever worried when your children open their mouths to speak? Were you a child who had your own diarrhea of the mouth like me? Did you show interest in something as a child that’s stuck with you to this day? And what are your thoughts on sex education and using anatomically correct terms with children? Speak on it!
