Tag Archives: improvement movements
January 12, 2012 

Thursday Thoughts: Turning It Around & Flying High

May 2007: Mount Fuji from my airplane window. Flying high.

“This morning I tweeted “2012 is starting off as the year of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Now I realize that nothing will change if I don’t change my train of thought. I’m making a serious effort to indulge in more gratitude, more positivity, more intention and action…less fear, less anxiety, less negativity and complacency.

I was complaining about work yesterday and immediately got a text that a friend had passed away from cancer. The lesson I got wasn’t so much “be glad you have a job…sh*t could be worse” – it was more “life is too short…don’t waste your time.” I’m grateful for opportunities to turn things around.”

~ yours truly

This is my 100th post (or it 101? WordPress is conflicting at times). I promised it would be about my cousin Mike, but…..I’m just not ready to publish that post yet. Please accept this little mash-up of thoughts I’ve been having recently – go forth and prosper in positivity and all that good stuff :)  

November 22, 2011 

Vision Boards: Getting Goals Out Of Your Head & Into Action

Well, it’s about that time…when everyone realizes that the year is almost over, and wonders where 2011 went. It’s also that time when everyone starts looking forward to the year ahead, wishing and hoping for bigger and better in their lives. I usually find that people (myself included) have two conundrums when we get to this point in the year. One is that we often can’t remember what we did in the months past – did we even do ANYTHING? The other issue is that we look blindly into the new year, setting resolutions based on what we want, with no understanding of the plans we need to put in place to obtain them.

On December 30th, 2010, I went on Oprah’s site and created a Dream Board, also known as a vision board. Many people had no clue what kind of new-age nonsense I was dabbling in when I said I was working on a vision board. The funny thing is, so many of us create variations of them, without even knowing. You’re on Kanye’s workout plan? Have you ever posted a picture of the person (celebrity or even the old you) whose body you want on the fridge or bathroom mirror to motivate you? After getting an amazing mark on an exam, have you ever tacked that up on the inside of your locker to remind you to get to the library and study hard for the next one? This is what a vision board is all about – using images and words to positively reinforce the goals you have for your life.

Here was my vision board for 2011 (click to enlarge):

There were tons of goals that I wanted to accomplish this year, and when I look back at my vision board, I see just how much I got done. I had health and fitness goals (see Amerie’s sexy legs in the bottom right). I wanted to develop and maintain positive friendships (see the Girlfriends pic in the top row). I had plans to have an amazing wedding and kick off the start of an even better marriage (see my ring pic in the top left). I wanted success, patience, and to do a better job of embracing change, among many other things. Looking at my board, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I accomplished or made progress on a lot of things this year.

I loved doing the vision board on Oprah’s site – I planned to do it the old-fashioned way of cutting and pasting magazine clippings onto a bristol board, but this way I could add so many more personal touches, and could save it in digital form. It was my desktop image for the first few months of the year. I printed it out and taped it to my wall. I emailed it to myself and would set random reminders for myself to go take a peek and see how I was doing.

Placing images and words on a vision board alone won’t get you what you want. What it will do is force you to think about what you really want to accomplish, and think about how you’re going to get there. It’s a motivator and a reminder that what you want IS attainable – it just takes focus, insight, and planning. Speaking of which, it’s time for me to get a glass of wine, play “Who Gon’ Stop Me” off of Watch The Throne, and get started on Vision Board 2012!

Click here to start working on your own vision board via Oprah’s site!

Have you ever made a dream/vision board? If your answer is “yes”, how did it work for you?

November 14, 2011 

What Would You Say To The Younger You?

Image: Tom Hussey

Did any of you watch the Black Girls Rock Awards on BET last week? If not, you know how BET is – they’ll run that joint over and over, so I’m sure you’ll be able to catch it some evening when they aren’t playing Soul Plane or that Christmas movie with Gabby Union and Morris Chestnut. Anyways, I digress. Black Girls Rock is an initiative started by DJ Beverly Bond – click here for more details.

In honouring “Black girls who rock” like Taraji P. Henson, Angela Davis, and Laurel Ritchie (president of the WNBA), the audience learned a lot about their achievements and goals for the future. One award recipient took a look back into the past, and it made for one of the show’s most poignant moments.

Tatyana Ali read a letter she wrote to her younger self – click here to see a clip of her acceptance speech. While I loved her words, I wondered, “What’s the point?” I’m used to the childhood games of writing letters to our future selves, sticking them in a time capsule or burying them away in a notebook, then unearthing them years later to see how much things have changed or stayed the same. I thought, “What could you get out of writing a letter to your past self?”

I figured that on a large scale like the Black Girls Rock Awards, it would be great for younger girls to gain some words of inspiration from a woman who has been there. What would regular ole me gain from writing a letter like that to little Bee? Reflection, perhaps? An acknowledgement of how much I’ve grown and learned? Something more? I’m not sure. However, I’m always up for something new, so I wrote my own short letter to little Bee. Like to read it? Here it go:

Dear Bee,

The first thing I have to tell you, is that life gets really, REALLY good. It will make everything worthwhile. Not fitting in has always been a problem for you – but this is what you will come to love about yourself. Don’t waste time trying to be like everyone around you. You will fail, and for good reason. Embrace your quirks and your awkwardness – the sooner you accept these things about yourself, the better things will get.

Travel and see the world. Learn to save your money. Once a month, do something that scares the crap out of you. And stop relaxing your hair – ’cause chiiiiile, if you had gone natural at the age I imagine you to be right now, my hair in the REAL now would be ridiculous!

Say what’s on your mind – if someone hurts you, don’t let it slide. Stop being afraid that people won’t like you if you tell it like it is. In fact, stop trying to please everyone! Don’t be so hard on yourself either. You’re your own biggest critic, but you need to be your own biggest defender.

Like I said, life gets really, really good. Follow your instincts, and love the people who truly love you. You know deep down who is faking it and who isn’t. Keep family (both blood and chosen) close – you don’t know how much you will need them. And live your life! You’ll learn time and time again how short it is…

Love,

Bee.

Interestingly, as I read this to myself again, I realized that some most of these things are things that I still need to work on…I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same…

What’s one thing you would say to the younger you?

October 13, 2011 

I Think I’ve Lost It.

Source

It’s sad to say, but I think it’s gone missing.

My mojo.

My je ne sais quoi.

I need to get my groove AND my swagger back. Shout out to Stella Payne and Shawn Corey Carter.

I woke up today feeling very blah, and couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I couldn’t just account it to the dreary weather, or to the fact that I wasn’t looking forward to another day cooped up in an office…it was something more than that.

Then I realized – I’ve lost IT. My spirit, my joie de vivre, that special spice that makes me, me. If you follow me on Twitter (@the_xaymacan), you’ll see that my bio reads:

“Encyclopedia Brown + Joan Clayton + rum punch + pixie dust + Jamaican jerk seasoning“

Let’s just say, I’m still a nerd (Encyclopedia), and I’m still neurotic (Miss Clayton), but I’m missing all those other elements that bring the fun out in me. It happens to the best of us, doesn’t it? Every so often, I think we hit that stride where we get caught up in the monotony of life, and forget about the life of life. I realized today, that was my problem.

I’ve gotten too wrapped up in the 9-5 grind, the TTC commute, the schoolwork, the dinner prep, the laundry, the “make sure you pay the bills today!”, the anxiety of overdue oil changes, the ‘forgot my umbrella on the day it’s going to pour’ struggle, the headaches, the stress, the exhaustion. My days start off tiring and end that way too. So, where am I supposed to find time to remember to be the witty, sexy, and interesting woman that I know I am?

When I got married, I said a silent vow that I would forever be the hot tamale that I am now, so that things would never get boring. Sure, life will bring changes, but I had a plan to always stay on top of my game. Pregnancy? I’m gonna snap that body back like Halle did. Who cares if she has more money and resources than me? I’ll do my damnedest to make sure I stay on point. Aging gracefully? Well, Black don’t crack first of all…plus, I’ll just get on my Angela Bassett grind to make sure I’m the finest senior doing the early morning walk around Scarborough Town Centre. However, I look at myself now, just a few months later…and I’m like, “What happened?” Sitting here with my hair in a bun, UWO sweats, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose while I make dinner, do laundry, and blog. Sigh.

I know that I suffer from Superwoman Syndrome, where I want to be everything to everybody and do it all with a smile. I’m working on it, but I’ve always been an overachiever and a perfectionist, so it’ll take me some time to gain perspective. I have no problem being the “sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no makeup on” chick, but even I know when it’s time to switch it up and bust out some sensual feminine sexiness. And that time is now. Being a woman is FUN. It’s not just about proving that I can do all and be all.

So what am I going to do about this rut? I’m going to start taking bubble baths. With candles. And a glass of pinot grigio. And Marsha Ambrosius singing in the background. I’m going to try something new with my hair. I’m going to skip our usual Tuesday movie night date and suggest something that requires me to wear stilettos and a hot dress. I’m going to make sure I entice all 5 senses. I’m going to put the bills and school books away early sometimes, and focus on over-achieving in a different light. Basically, I’m going to get my Oshun on.

These types of things are supposed to come easily, aren’t they? In this day and age however, all of life’s to-do lists get in the way, and we forget what it feels like to just be. I know for myself, I need to take the pressure off. I have to let go of my need to be perfect, to do everything and do it better than everyone, and just allow myself to be crazysexycool Bee.

Ladies – do you suffer from Superwoman Syndrome too? Are you cured, or still in treatment phase? Have you ever lost your sexy? How did you get it back?  Hopefully I can update y’all when I reclaim mine…

October 4, 2011 

What Does It Take To Get To Where You Want To Be?

Photo via succesfulfailures.blogspot.com

The other day, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance who was looking for a new job. She was grateful to have a job, but felt utterly unfulfilled in her current position. She was looking for something that would make her some money AND make her happy (which is possible – eff what you heard).

Knowing that fulfillment struggle all too well, I asked her what she was doing to make her dreams a reality. Her response was:

“Oh, I’m praying on it.”

I nodded, and asked her what else was she doing – to which she replied, “Nothing – I just keep praying that a breakthrough will come.”

I had to sit her down and politely tell her to Wake. The. Hell. Up.

Photo via exministries.wordpress.com

The power of prayer and positive thought is incredible. I believe that you attract what you put out – so the more positivity you give off, the more you will receive. Praying, meditating, positive intention and visualization have all helped me to get every job I’ve had, get through every struggle I’ve had, and has made it so that when things are good, they become GREAT. However, relying on the mental and spiritual work without doing the physical work probably won’t result in too many successes.

It’s not enough to simply think positively, wish for a change, and pray to whatever respective deity you believe in. Granted, there are times in life when it seems like the results we desire are beyond any personal control we may have. I’ve been in those situations as well, and that’s when I’ve really had to rely on the powers of prayer. However, for the most part, if you truly WANT something, I believe you also have to go out there and put some sweat (literal or figurative) into it to reap the benefits.

Photo via sfbayview.com

So many people are looking for jobs. Are you on your Workopolis/Monster/Classified Section grind? Are you out on the scene networking? Are you working on getting a mentor to help you get where you need to be? Are you volunteering or taking supplementary courses to get the knowledge and experience you need? Are you tailoring your resumes to each specific job, or just sending out the same generic one you’ve had forever?

People are out here tryin’ to get chose. Are you approaching AND being approachable? Are you over your past relationships? Do you keep going back to the same musty, lying, cheating, no-ambition-having, neglectful partners that you’ve had in the past? Are you happy with yourself so that someone else can be happy with you?

People are trying to break bad habits. Praying for God to take that cigarette out of your mouth might not be enough. Using visualization techniques to imagine yourself losing those last few pounds probably won’t do it. You have to put the work in to see the results. Start using a nicotine patch, or work on cutting down the smokes. Get up and hit the gym, or click here for my personal fitness routine faves. Wishing away a bad habit or unfavourable practice won’t magically cure you – but positive thinking, introspection, and HARD WORK will get you to where you need to be.

As for the convo with my acquaintance, she felt that I was downplaying the positive effects of prayer, and told me that she “functioned through faith.”

I let her know that faith was an integral part of my personal successes, but I ascribed to another train of thought as well: “God only helps those who help themselves”…but maybe that’s just me.

What say you? Have you found success by solely having faith and thinking positively? What’s your coping method when faced with a struggle or reaching for a goal?

 

September 29, 2011 

My Mouth’s Tellin’ You No, But My Body, My Booodddddy’s Tellin’ You Yessss: A Lesson in Body Language

Body language is a hell of a thing.

You could be telling me that you’re a boss like Jacqueline Broyer in Boomerang or that you’re the next Barack Obama, but if you’re out here walking around like Shy Ronnie…

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…I’m less than inclined to believe you.

Let me reiterate: body language is a hell of a thing. You may be saying one thing verbally, but your body language will basically defecate all over your words if you aren’t confident or sincere. People are very perceptive to physical cues, and your body language may be giving the wrong message, or portraying the message that you’re trying to conceal.

This past Monday, I went to a Community Election Forum hosted by a number of organizations (Black Health Alliance, the Jamaican Canadian Association, First Fridays, and Operation Vote Canada). While it was an eye-opening experience for someone who has only recently become interested in Canadian politics, it was also a clear study in what to do and what NOT to do in public speaking.

Public speaking is a major fear for most people. And while the average Joe or Jane might not be regularly speaking in front of a crowd of thousands, there are lessons to be learned. These lessons can be applied to a number of situations: job interviews, board meetings, networking events, and any other instance where you are speaking in front of people, be it 1 or 1000.

If you find yourself in a public speaking situation:

DO NOT:

…tightly cross your arms across your body. A clear sign of defensive resistance, or some false sense of security when you have NO CLUE what you’re talking about. Even worse if you cross your arms over your genitals. You might as well say, “please don’t respect me, I’m insignificant.”

…have convulsive ankles. What does this mean? When you see someone (usually with legs crossed), swinging and twisting their ankle at a psychotically rapid pace. If your feet are in view, it is extremely distracting and shines a neon light on your nervousness.

…pull a Tommy Strawn. Who is Tommy Strawn? Remember the TV sitcom Martin? Tommy was the tall, bald brother who had no job. Anytime Tommy was faced with a question he either didn’t know the answer to, or was quickly formulating a lie for, he would scratch his ear, head or neck and say “Errrr, uhhh…” Now, even without the verbal cue – if you take time out to scratch yourself before answering if your political party will promise to lower taxes, I’ll take whatever comes out of your mouth next with a grain of salt. See below from 5:30-6:40 for reference:

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All of this to say, “we don’t believe you – you need more people.”

Now, here’s what you should DO:

…have your hands open and visible. How are you a grown somebody, answering tough questions from your audience of community supporters, and have your hands under the table and between your legs like a child hiding candy? Keeping your hands open and in clear sight is a sign of trust. Anything less is uncivilized.

…directly face the person/people you’re speaking to. Keeping your body aligned with the person(s) you’re speaking with means you’re engaged, interested, and above all, sincere. Twisting your body away, or even worse, walking away from someone while talking to them is a slap in the face. You could be asking me how my sick grandmother is doing…but if you’re half-facing me for no good reason or walking away? I’m going to assume you practiced some obeah on her to make her sick in the first place. I. Don’t. Trust. You.

…maintain good posture. It’s a simple concept, but needs some attention. Whether sitting or standing, make sure that you have strong posture – no slouching or leaning. Having your back straight and shoulders down and back shows confidence and power. One of the MPP hopefuls maintained the best posture while handling a rebuttal, and it made all the difference in the strength of delivery of their message. Use this to your advantage!

Be more Joan. Be less Lynn.

When I reviewed my notes from the Community Election Forum, I realized that I had just as many notes on body language as I did on what the candidates actually had to say. It just goes to show that while most people are concerned about what is coming out of their mouths, they also need to be cognizant of what their hands, feet, and shoulders are saying too.

Bonus: Even though this is more of a verbal tick than a body language issue, it is vital to note: please do not venture into public speaking or politics if you have not learned how to remove “umm” and “like” from your speech. Drives me INSANE.

No soul searching questions here – but does body language play a major part in how YOU accept someone’s verbal message? Do you pick up on cues, or do you find that you don’t even notice? Maybe it’s just me…

September 27, 2011 

Skin Care The Natural Way

Photo: jasonchristopher.com

Over the weekend, my homegirl came over to visit. I had been home all day, was in sweats with my bantu knots tied down with a satin scarf, and I didn’t give an eff. If it was anyone else, I would have apologized for my appearance (didn’t have to – she’s one of my besties), but she still paid me a compliment by asking: “What are you using on your face? Your skin looks amazing!”

I’ve made two major changes in my skin care routine over the past few weeks, and I guess things are paying off. Change #1: Drinking a lot more water. Change #2: Using an oil cleansing method.

Now, the first change is pretty straightforward. Water is vital to our bodies, and you can never have too much (actually, that’s a lie. See water intoxication). Anyways, our bodies are made up of approximately 60% H2O, so it is definitely necessary for cell functioning, nourishing the skin and hair, and flushing out our internal systems. Unfortunately, even knowing all of that, water is boring. That’s what has always made it hard for me to drink consistently. However, over the past little while, I’ve seen the difference in my skin, and that motivates me to continue. I can’t say I drink x amount of litres a day, but I try to reach for a water bottle instead of a Coke/juice anytime I’m thirsty. Crystal Light or even a slice of lemon can help to excite your water a bit, but do what you can to get it into your system on a regular basis. You’ll definitely see and feel the results.

As for the second change, this is a little bit more interesting. Oil cleansing is a method that I had heard about, but always avoided due to the fact that I have oily skin myself. I thought, oil + oil = gross, but the more I read, the more I realized I was wrong. Oil actually dissolves oil, so I learned that this method would likely balance out my oily skin instead of overwhelm it. I thought back to all of the harsh products I previously used to strip oil from my face, and remembered how it always seemed like my pores went into overdrive in protest. I figured I might as well give the OCM a try.

As I read on various sites like this and this, all skin types can use the OCM. You’ll just need to tailor your mixture to your skin type. At the heart of the OCM is castor oil. Castor oil has incredible cleansing and softening properties, but can be a bit thick for some. Therefore, it’s always a good idea to dilute CO with another oil, like jojoba, grapeseed, extra virgin olive oil or sunflower.

My (oily skin) mixture: 60% castor oil + 20% grapeseed oil + 20% jojoba oil      

Dry skin? Try 40% castor oil + 40% olive oil + 20% avocado oil

Sensitive skin? Try 50% castor oil + 25% apricot kernel oil + 25% rosehip oil

The great thing about this method is that if you buy pure oils, you’re using natural elements to cleanse your skin, versus harsh chemicals with ingredients no one can pronounce.

How do I do the OCM? It’s pretty simple:

1. After mixing my oils (in a bottle or cup), I’ll take a quarter or loonie sized amount, and massage into my face.

2. I’ll take a washcloth, run it under hot water, and wring it out.

3. I place the washcloth over my face like a mini steam treatment (opens pores to allow oils to cleanse deeply), then gently rub the oil off.

I always wash the cloth out with soap to remove oil buildup, then I moisturize my face with a bit of grapeseed oil when I’m finished.

Simple, natural, and healthy for my skin. With my water + OCM practice, I’m seeing the results! I find that this method is much cheaper for me, because the oils last a LONG time. In Toronto, I buy my oils at Healthy Planet (castor, jojoba), Danforth Market (rosehip, apricot), or just the local grocery store (olive, grapeseed). If you’re looking for a new skin care regimen, up your water intake and  research the OCM – it just might work for you too!

Have you tried the OCM? If so, what is your favourite mixture? If you don’t use the OCM, what is your tried and true cleansing method? And please, someone tell me what you do to make water more appetizing…I’m stuck in a water rut!

September 16, 2011 

The Lost, Feared, & Misguided Art of Networking

Photo: Under30Ceo.com

Whether for a corporate or social purpose, networking was never my favourite thing. As a true introvert, the thought of milling about and starting random convos with complete strangers was sweat-inducing. In social settings, it was easier for me to play it cool in a corner with a drink, hang with my friends, and not worry about having to reach out to anyone else. However, when it came to corporate networking events,fun and familiarity were non-existent, so I had no choice but to do the damn(ed) thing.

When I held an Account Management position for an international company, I learned that networking and “schmoozing” (yes, corporate people DO use that term) were vital parts of the game. Because I was so comfortable speaking with my various colleagues, my bosses figured I’d be a natural at networking events.

Not to mention, it was probably a fun social experiment to throw a 6ft tall, twenty-something Black female into the pool of midlife-crisis-afflicted White men and see what happened…another post for another day.

Back to networking. Definitely not natural for me, but I’ve learned it’s much easier than it seems.

At conferences, I’d overhear people going about it ALL WRONG. “So, how about this weather, eh?” or “Say, did you catch that Jays game last night?” were not my ideas of sincere conversation starters. One of the keys to successful networking is to be (or do a damn good job of pretending to be) sincere.  People gravitate more to those who come across as genuine, so don’t fall into the trap of kicking off with a mundane opening.

So, what DO you say to get the conversation flowing? I learned that there is one phrase, guaranteed to get your networking off to a great start:

Your name. That’s it.

A simple, “Hi! My name is ________. How are you?” with a smile will force people to respond. From there, build upon what you have in common: your presence at said conference, party, or event. Chat about the food, the keynote speaker, the venue, the traffic you faced on the way over, whatever. You’re both in the same spot for a reason, so build upon that. Then, if you’re at a more corporate event, or just looking for a way to plug your business, you’ve already established some common ground. This is a much smoother approach than the assault by business card: running up on someone with your card in hand, ready to relay the contents of your resume before you exchange names. An immediate turn-off.

In order to steer the conversation into business-land without feeling fake or forced, there is another magical question that has never failed me:

“So, what do you do?”

The funny thing is that when I’ve asked that in corporate settings, I’m almost always met with the reply: “What – like, for work?” The devil on my left shoulder says “Yes, you idiot. What else are we here at this travel insurance conference for?” but the angel on my right says, “You know, there might be more to this person than just work.” So I let the angel cook, and I usually reply “Sure – work or anything else!” I always get interesting responses. People will always tell me what their employment angle is, but usually throw in a fun tidbit like “…and I play the tuba in a jazz band with my buddies” or “…but my FIRST love is ice fishing!” This just gives you more to build on and adds a more personal touch to the connection.

By this point, you’ve exchanged names. You’ve established some commonalities by chatting about the shared space you’re in. You’ve inquired about their work life, while giving them a chance to feel like a human, not a cubicle troll, and you’ve hopefully gotten the chance to share a thing or two about yourself as well. You’ve maintained sincerity, you’ve been a good listener, and you’ve hopefully attributed something to the person to help you remember their name. But PLEASE. Don’t do this nonsense of using the person’s name in every damn sentence as a memory tool. You sound like a dumbass, and it makes the other person uncomfortable. BE HONEST. If you’re bad at remembering names, own up to it. Do your best to remember – take their card, and write a quick word or two on the back (not in front of them) to help you remember who was who. That’s what works for me, anyways.

As I’ve detailed here, the best networking results come to me when I keep things SIMPLE and SINCERE. You’re a stranger – you don’t need to do a ton of conversational acrobats to blow people away in the first meeting. Also, remember that this is a skill that takes time to build, especially if you’re not fully comfortable in new surroundings with new people. Practice makes perfect, so have your business cards ready, make sure nothing is in your teeth, and get to it!

September 12, 2011 

Is It Just Hair? Or Is It More Than That?

This morning, I was doing my usual web-trolling and hit up one of my faves, Curly Nikki. I love reading her “Naturally Glamorous” section that highlights round-the-way chicks who wear their hair in its natural state. I always love to read their techniques and favourite products (even though most aren’t even available in Canada) to see what new and wonderful things I can try with my ‘do. However, when reading about today’s featured “Naturally Glamorous” girlie, I read something that made me do a serious *pause*:

“How do you maintain length? Moisture?
My routine is all about moisturizing at each step and often with water, oils, and leave-ins. I avoid heat and tension at all costs and never go to bed without covering my head or otherwise allow my hair to come into contact with rough materials. *I even took the headrest out of my car, partly so my hair could fit, but also because I hated it rubbing against my hair.*”

- Curly Nikki’s Naturally Glamorous post

Accompanying this quote was a photo of the featured Natural honey, driving her car with NO HEADREST. As in, choosing to risk serious head and neck injury for the sake of her curls. And I thought to myself, “Is it REALLY that serious?”

I ride both sides of the fence at times.

Sometimes, I sit on the side that embraces the “natural movement” as something more than hair. Because so many thought natural hair could never look good, I was fixated on making sure mine looked GREAT. When little girls (like my goddaughter and niece) tell their parents that they want to wear their hair like mine, part of me smiles at the small victory of Black girls wanting to look like themselves, not Hannah Montana. I can sometimes relate to the autobiographies of women who have transitioned or big-chopped, who shed tears of joy and self-acceptance when they first wore their Afros out proudly. Memes of embracing oneself, of rejecting Eurocentric standards of beauty, and representing a huge part of the Black identity all touched me at one point or another, and made this natural journey an all-encompassing thing.

Then, on the other hand, sometimes it’s not that serious.

Men called me “Empress” and “Queen” when I started wearing my natural curls, but I never got these revered titles when my hair was relaxed. All I did was change my hairstyle….did that mean my inner spirit changed too? My flaws and negative attributes didn’t all disappear with the relaxer, so while I smiled at these new titles, I didn’t see the point. Sometimes I’d read other naturalistas’ regimens and wonder if any of them have friends or full time work – some of their routines were more complicated than university algebra taught in Latin. Then you get the Natural Nazis, ready to jump down anyone’s throat who dared flat iron, colour, or use “curl definition” products on their tresses. If I had a penny for every time someone argued about what is and isn’t considered natural, I’d have a whole lot of pennies.

As the years go by with me wearing my hair sans-relaxer, the more I see the importance in maintaining perspective. At times, I think people get so caught up in what their hair represents, that they forget to just enjoy their hair. Have fun. Cut it. Colour it. Weave it for the winter and flaunt your new growth in the summer. Let it be whatever you want it to be. Do that while still remembering and respecting that for many, this is a huge deal. Maybe not for you, but for that woman who never thought you could hold a corporate position with natural hair. Or maybe for that little girl who was going to ask her Mom for a perm, but points at you and now might just ask her to do “whatever that lady did”. But please, keep things in perspective. Know when to breathe, put down the Miss Jessie’s (or whatever product you’re addicted to), and step away from the bathroom mirror. And if you find yourself Googling “how to remove a car headrest”, that might be one of those times. Just sayin’.

September 1, 2011 

The 90 Day Countdown…

So, I woke up this morning and realized August was over. Today was the first day of September. My initial thoughts this morning were:

Rent is due.

The inevitable ending of summer is near.

It’s my one month wedding anniversary.

Needless to say, September 1st represents a lot.

As I went through my day, I cheesed while I looked over wedding pics; I checked my bank account to plot my weekend spending once rent was dealt with; and I moped about the loss of summer, my favourite season. I had a fleeting thought: “Only 4 more months to choose my 2012 resolutions”…then thought, “why wait?” And here, my 90-day countdown was born.

I updated my Facebook status this morning…

“So…who wants to join me in a 90-day challenge? Want to lose weight? Feeling a lil Zoe Saldana-ish and want to gain some? Want to save money? Want to be more positive? Want to be more productive? Whatever your goal is, let’s get it from Sept 1-Dec 1! We’ll take December off to get ready for 2012 :) ”

…and got a ton of responses. Why 90 days? Eh, I just liked that number. Why not just ride out til the end of the year? Eh, because once December hits, my schedule is all thrown off. It’s one of my most indulgent months, so I’m not going to lie to myself and act like I can maintain everything I plan to…unless it really becomes second nature ;)

People have goals and dreams knocking around in their heads, and most of the time, they’re just looking for a reason to move from thinking mode to doing mode. I know I needed that kick in the ass to get moving, so I thought, why not make it public and have others hold me accountable?

So here we go. For the next 90 days, I’ll be focusing on my goals, which centre around the ’3 P’s': Productivity, Physicality, and Positivity.

To be more productive, I’m going to stop hitting the snooze button every morning, and get up early enough to accomplish some things for me before I go accomplish some things for The Man. I’m also going to make my bank account more productive by being smarter with my money, ESPECIALLY around eating out. Definitely have to cut back on buying lunches multiple times every week….that shyte adds up!

To improve my physicality, I’m going to make sure I get a decent breakfast in at home before heading out to work. No more rushing out the door with two waffles and a container of yogurt. No suh. I’m going to get back into working out – using my fave Nike app and getting back into some dance classes. Also need to keep up with my newfound love of Nutrament – I’m never going to be a brick house, but winter is coming and the Mister needs a lil extra cushion to keep him warm. I definitely look and feel better with more weight on my 6 foot frame than less, but wedding and work stress over the past few months have me running a bit haggard. Time to get back into peak condition.

All of this leads to positivity. I know that once I implement some of these new goals, I’ll be much happier and mentally healthier. I also need to work on keeping my cool, finding ways to laugh every day, and stay realistically positive. Actually – sometimes I need to NOT be realistically positive. Sometimes I’m going to need to be unrealistically positive and just be crazy happy. I don’t do that enough. I’m always focused on what’s next, and I get frustrated with myself when what I’m grasping at isn’t yet available to me. In order to be more positive, I need to enjoy the now, and plant the seeds for later without obsessing over the future…that will be a challenge for me, but I’m ready for it.

Not sure what my measurables will be, but if I act, look, and feel improved, I’ll take that win. So, I say to you, come along for the ride! Lifestyle improvements aren’t just for New Year’s – you can start anytime the motivation strikes you. 90 days starts….NOW! Good luck to you (and me)!