Life Lessons: When The Unhappy And Happy Collide

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Often, you'll come across situations in life that force you to either restrengthen or completely rebuild your personal paradigms. You likely held certain trains of thought on issues of love, friendship, trust, and loyalty - until that one day when something happens. That something may give you extra resolve to hold on to the truths of what you have always known, or it may cause you to change your way of thinking in order to have better success in the future. Sometimes, you'll find yourself in a situation that will have you do both simultaneously - as I have recently.

I know that not everyone in the world has your best interests at heart. Not everyone wants to see you succeed, and not everyone is willing to help you when the chips are down. However, I think we've gotten too used to falling back lamely on the excuse of "having haters" to ignore the fact that sometimes people just don't agree with you, don't like you, or don't care about you. They aren't out to get you - they're just not on the same wavelength as you, and that's OK. For me, life has been easier since I've let go of the paranoia. I've let go of wondering if someone gave me a dirty look, or if that snide comment was directed my way, or if someone was trying to set me up for a fall. I try to ignore the nasty folks, avoid the miserable folks, and respect the ones not on my wavelength as long as they respect me. That method served me well up until recently.

Maybe that way of thinking was naive. Whatever the case may be, I was jolted back into reality that yes, there are people who don't have your best interests at heart, who absolutely do not want to see you succeed, and who are not only not willing to help you when the chips are down, but are usually the ones trying to knock your pile of chips to the ground. It's not a nice feeling.

What I've had to realize is that it's more about them than it is you. Most often than not, people who will go out of their way to attempt to tear you down are doing so because you are a mirror image of the life they wish they had. You are a fun house illusion called "What Your Life Could Have Been If You Weren't A Loser." You have something they wished they had, you do something they wish they could do, or you are simply everything they wish they could be. Instead of focusing their energies on how they can acquire what it is that they want, they expend their energies on trying to ruin what you've got goin' on. Sure, take this time to relish in the fact that you're just too fabulous for that person to handle, but in those quiet times when you wonder if you really did something to deserve it (like I have wondered), remember - it's more about them than you. This is about their pathology, their deficiency, and their low self-esteem. Enjoying the life you live is not the same thing as flaunting your successes in someone's face. Don't take it personally.

I've had to rebuild my paradigm of how I react to negativity from other people. I'm definitely not balls to the wall, ranting about "my haters", but I'm like a child who has been burned by scalding water while safely playing in the hazy steam. I'll be a bit more aware next time. What has been restrengthened has been my resolve to continue to live the best life possible. If you have earned and worked hard for the things you have in life, never apologize for that. If you have been called "lucky" when you know that luck = preparation + opportunity, do not downplay your efforts. If you have simply been blessed in your life, never be ashamed of those blessings. Nothing is ever perfect - but if your life (or even just one part of it) is pretty damn good, embrace it. Embracing the positives in your life will bring you more positivity. It may attract some envious negative energy as well, but stay positive. Pure hearts and good intentions reap the best benefits.

Much of the advice I have been given for my particular situation has been of the "easier said than done" type. Keep your head up! Don't let them get to you! Put a smile on your face, because they expect a frown! All good advice, but when you really want to drop-kick someone in their chest, or corner them and scream "What is your problem?" it's hard to absorb it. At the end of the day, success is the best form of revenge. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and I'm going to do it damn well. Like my favourite Goodie Mob album title says (not my fave album, just album title - don't get it twisted), "One monkey don't stop no show." And since I'm clearly putting on a show for some folks, I'll make sure I'm giving you something good to watch. Hope you enjoy.

What do you do when you're faced with negativity? How do you persevere in light of the fact that others may be so unhappy that they attempt to derail your success? Are you able to deflect and keep stepping, or does it throw you off your game? Let me know your thoughts...


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